First one
This is my first journal entry. I had contemplated writing this down somehow, blogging, something so I can have a visual of this journey and keep track of what is working for me. 10/4/10 is D-Day for me only because a stranger, his attorney, sat us in his office and after pulling out a DNA test said "You're the father". My husband's response was a very flat "you're kidding". Really?!?! That's all you have to say. I had to control myself from pushing his chair over sideways, then sat stone-faced while the attorney spoke about the test and how much money he would have to pay her. Then he demanded that I start contributing to the conversation by speaking. I told him I was on the verge of vomitting all over his office and didn't have much to say- he directed me to the bathroom. Nice. I asked what would happen to the amount of CS she got if I filed for divorce and received CS first- he said she would get less. I said "do it".
It wasn't what my husband wanted at the time, he thought we should just be able to get over it and get on with our lives. Fast forward 3 1/2 months, through the holidays, a 4 week leave of absence for me, my husband(or ex) living with his parents and weekly counseling sessions. He is back living in our home and we are working on reconciling. There has been no contact with the OW except for when she texted him 3 times after the divorce was in the newspaper, but he didn't respond to her. Actually, I responded to her pretending to be him after he told me she texted him. I didn't get very far with it but she still doesn't know it was me. I know- childish- but I didn't really care at the time. Anyway, we have been extremely blessed to have found an excellent therapist. We are both doing individual counseling and marriage counseling, alternating weeks. It's still not enough for me. I wish I could tuck him in my pocket so I could talk to him more than an hour a week. Some days are better than others. I am trying SO hard to give this to God. He is the only one that will be able to heal us and fix our marriage. Some days I am able to immerse myself in His word, listen to music and try to keep a positive frame of mind by letting go of some of the pain. Other days I just fall back into a pit of despair and negative thoughts that pull me away from God.
It wasn't what my husband wanted at the time, he thought we should just be able to get over it and get on with our lives. Fast forward 3 1/2 months, through the holidays, a 4 week leave of absence for me, my husband(or ex) living with his parents and weekly counseling sessions. He is back living in our home and we are working on reconciling. There has been no contact with the OW except for when she texted him 3 times after the divorce was in the newspaper, but he didn't respond to her. Actually, I responded to her pretending to be him after he told me she texted him. I didn't get very far with it but she still doesn't know it was me. I know- childish- but I didn't really care at the time. Anyway, we have been extremely blessed to have found an excellent therapist. We are both doing individual counseling and marriage counseling, alternating weeks. It's still not enough for me. I wish I could tuck him in my pocket so I could talk to him more than an hour a week. Some days are better than others. I am trying SO hard to give this to God. He is the only one that will be able to heal us and fix our marriage. Some days I am able to immerse myself in His word, listen to music and try to keep a positive frame of mind by letting go of some of the pain. Other days I just fall back into a pit of despair and negative thoughts that pull me away from God.
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