First one
This is my first journal entry. I had contemplated writing this down somehow, blogging, something so I can have a visual of this journey and keep track of what is working for me. 10/4/10 is D-Day for me only because a stranger, his attorney, sat us in his office and after pulling out a DNA test said "You're the father". My husband's response was a very flat "you're kidding". Really?!?! That's all you have to say. I had to control myself from pushing his chair over sideways, then sat stone-faced while the attorney spoke about the test and how much money he would have to pay her. Then he demanded that I start contributing to the conversation by speaking. I told him I was on the verge of vomitting all over his office and didn't have much to say- he directed me to the bathroom. Nice. I asked what would happen to the amount of CS she got if I filed for divorce and received CS first- he said she would get less. I said "do it".
It wasn't what my husband wanted at the time, he thought we should just be able to get over it and get on with our lives. Fast forward 3 1/2 months, through the holidays, a 4 week leave of absence for me, my husband(or ex) living with his parents and weekly counseling sessions. He is back living in our home and we are working on reconciling. There has been no contact with the OW except for when she texted him 3 times after the divorce was in the newspaper, but he didn't respond to her. Actually, I responded to her pretending to be him after he told me she texted him. I didn't get very far with it but she still doesn't know it was me. I know- childish- but I didn't really care at the time. Anyway, we have been extremely blessed to have found an excellent therapist. We are both doing individual counseling and marriage counseling, alternating weeks. It's still not enough for me. I wish I could tuck him in my pocket so I could talk to him more than an hour a week. Some days are better than others. I am trying SO hard to give this to God. He is the only one that will be able to heal us and fix our marriage. Some days I am able to immerse myself in His word, listen to music and try to keep a positive frame of mind by letting go of some of the pain. Other days I just fall back into a pit of despair and negative thoughts that pull me away from God.
It wasn't what my husband wanted at the time, he thought we should just be able to get over it and get on with our lives. Fast forward 3 1/2 months, through the holidays, a 4 week leave of absence for me, my husband(or ex) living with his parents and weekly counseling sessions. He is back living in our home and we are working on reconciling. There has been no contact with the OW except for when she texted him 3 times after the divorce was in the newspaper, but he didn't respond to her. Actually, I responded to her pretending to be him after he told me she texted him. I didn't get very far with it but she still doesn't know it was me. I know- childish- but I didn't really care at the time. Anyway, we have been extremely blessed to have found an excellent therapist. We are both doing individual counseling and marriage counseling, alternating weeks. It's still not enough for me. I wish I could tuck him in my pocket so I could talk to him more than an hour a week. Some days are better than others. I am trying SO hard to give this to God. He is the only one that will be able to heal us and fix our marriage. Some days I am able to immerse myself in His word, listen to music and try to keep a positive frame of mind by letting go of some of the pain. Other days I just fall back into a pit of despair and negative thoughts that pull me away from God.
Replies
How long did you know about the OW/OC before 10/4/10? How old is the OC?
It sounds like you are doing what is right for you. Keep up the therapy -- it does help and it does take time.
((((((((((((Amyelisabeth))))))))))
I actually knew about the OW the entire time. My husband was offered a job promotion in another dept- I encouraged him to take it (too bad I didn\'t know what I knew now!) She was already working there and they sat next to each other and worked on some projects together. They naturally started talking to one another and began a platonic friendship- but many times that\'s how an A starts and I warned him of that. He kept insisting they were \"just friends\". He introduced me to her when he brought me to his work one day, he would tell me about their conversations and shared things with me about her. I kept warning him that is was inappropriate but I trusted him. I warned him that a single woman is not interested in a married man to just \"be friends\". Then I found out they were talking at inappropriate times of the day when I started checking our cell phone records. He said she was calling about work. We started seeing a marriage counselor because our marriage was rocky to begin with and she told him that it didn\'t matter how he viewed the friendship with her, that if it made his wife uncomfortable it was his duy to end it. So he said that he did, at that time he also changed employers- so I thought it was over. She started calling him again but began using his work phone so I couldn\'t track it. I had a suspicion one night when I was with friends that he wasn\'t where he said he was going to be. Sure enough, I found him at her house in the kitchen and went a little ballistic in her front yard. I locked him out of the house that night and he came home the next day begging for another chance and said their friendship was over. That was October of 2008. He began working with her 2 1/2 yrs prior to that, I\'m not sure when it deviated from a platonic relationship to an emotional affair. I trusted him that he had totally ended it but according to him she began calling him again in Dec 08 and blatantly invited him over to sleep with her. She said she would make it easy for him. He finally took the bait in Jan 09 when I was 8 months pregnant. He says it was between 5-10 times between January and April- I know it was over in April because that\'s when she would\'ve gotten pregnant and she never told him she was because he ended the affair. He went to her house after a couple of months sleeping with her and told her he couldn\'t do it anymore because it wasn\'t right and he was married. Too bad it took him that long to come to that decision. He says he heard through the grapevine that she was pregnant but heard many rumors about whose it was and didn\'t think it was his until his parents received a letter in the mail with a photo of \"their grandchild\" from what the letter stated. He says he tried to contact her and got no response. The child was born in Feb 2010 and we received a child support notice in June/July of 2010. He called me on the way home from work one day and was terrified. Said we received some crazy papers in the mail and he needed my support, I had to stand by him, she was just trying to tear us apart and get even, he cried for days saying he can\'t lose us. He denied for months that he ever touched her. Swore to me over and over that he never slept with her. I believed him because I couldn\'t believe after him coming home and begging for forgiveness in 2008 that he could turn around and sleep with her in 2009. But he did.