First journal entry
I've been with my spouse 24+ years and we have 4 beautiful kids and 2 grandkids. We met at the young age of 13 and had our first child at the age of 15. We've been together ever since. I call him my husband because that is what he is to me. However, we've never married; but I was always hopeful. Until now. I no longer dream of marrying the father of my kids and the love of my life.
I've feel like i have finally opened my eyes to the reality that my husband is a compulsive liar. I get so mad at myself for taking so long to see the truth. I've been so blind for so long because I wanted to believe in him. Over the years because of his lies our relationship has suffered immensely. Seventeen years into our relationship he had an affair and kept it very well hidden with his lies. He lies to me and others often. I've even learned what to listen for to catch him in a lie. It is truly sad. The person I should trust the most in this world cannot be open and honest with me. I shouldn't have to analyze the truth behind every statement he makes. I've gone from trusting him 100% to doubting in our love because of his lies. How can someone lie to and hurt the person they claim to love? And what makes me even more upset is that every time i catch him in a lie, he doesn't just apologize and accept his mistake. He wants to defend his position because he is so convinced he had a good reason to lie. It's always "i lied, but..."
I don't know what else to do or how to help him. He is my heart and I love him deeply. My brain tells me to leave him, but my heart tells me to stay. Until now, I've followed my heart. But he continues to lie.
When people marry they make vows and promises to one another. And this is why I no longer want to marry him, because I do not believe in what he says anymore.
I can only hope that God and our family give us the strength to keep working on our relationship.
I've feel like i have finally opened my eyes to the reality that my husband is a compulsive liar. I get so mad at myself for taking so long to see the truth. I've been so blind for so long because I wanted to believe in him. Over the years because of his lies our relationship has suffered immensely. Seventeen years into our relationship he had an affair and kept it very well hidden with his lies. He lies to me and others often. I've even learned what to listen for to catch him in a lie. It is truly sad. The person I should trust the most in this world cannot be open and honest with me. I shouldn't have to analyze the truth behind every statement he makes. I've gone from trusting him 100% to doubting in our love because of his lies. How can someone lie to and hurt the person they claim to love? And what makes me even more upset is that every time i catch him in a lie, he doesn't just apologize and accept his mistake. He wants to defend his position because he is so convinced he had a good reason to lie. It's always "i lied, but..."
I don't know what else to do or how to help him. He is my heart and I love him deeply. My brain tells me to leave him, but my heart tells me to stay. Until now, I've followed my heart. But he continues to lie.
When people marry they make vows and promises to one another. And this is why I no longer want to marry him, because I do not believe in what he says anymore.
I can only hope that God and our family give us the strength to keep working on our relationship.
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