First journal
I found out what the journals are for so I'm trying them out so here goes.
Im new here on DS my name is Kaili and I have ok life compared to others and I'm grateful for that, but my life is changing and I'm Changing and I feel like when I'm around the people that I love I can't express how I really feel l. I'm the 'good' child, the 'responsible' one or the 'mature' one and because f that I feel locked In a box of expectations. And when ever I try to express myself I'm being bratty or selfish and I'm starting to believe them. This has been happening my whole life but lately it's Been suffocating. The last three years it's been really hard. So because of that my mind and Been turned against me. It's making me believe what I think other people think of me and then I get mad at myself because I know it's not true but the I start to think maybe their right and I'm overacting just like they thought my sister did and how they talked about her and how she acted makes me scared. I don't want to be her but right now I do t want to be me either.
So that's a glimpse into my mind so let's see I this journaling thing helps me in the long run
I'll try to write agin soon
bye,
Kaili
Replies
Sadly, I think a lot of us were raised that way. In my house growing up (and even now as an adult, the pattern is still very much there), any problems we had were met with guilt-trips about how much our parents did for us and that we had no right to ever feel badly about anything, no right to have problems, no right to speak our minds. I've been really struggling this year with a lot of things, and any time I try talking to my mother about any of them, she somehow twists it all around to be all about herself, and holding everything she's ever done for me over my head, shaming me out of ever talking about what's been bothering me. She is also completely in denial that there is any problems in our lives and she is determined that I'm making it all up.
I have absolutely no one to talk to in my life about anything. She's basically the only person I could talk to, and having any conversation with her about anything at all regarding what I've been struggling through this year has been magnificently, impressively unproductive.
It's been just about one of the hardest years of my life, too. My only choice is to hold it all in and be strong and figure out another way to deal with it all.
Point is, I can relate. I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm glad you found DS. Because the good news here is that people want to listen and support you through your problems. There is no stigma here. Just understanding and support. I hope you find what you're looking for here.
Hi Kaili and welcome here. You're in the right place to talk about how you feel. You will find most people here are really kind and understanding and won't judge you for your problems and even if they can't help you at least they're nice.