first journal

hey there first journal just to let you all know a lil about me. so im GoldenTearDrops, i came up with that from poetry writting, but my names andrea. i love music, to dance and to draw. i live with only my mom (parents are devoirced), havent seen dad sence about 4 or 5. loved him until i realized hes never around never called or anything so i dropped that he cared for me like i used to think.get into it with mom sometimes, and she has said and done thngs i wont forget.  family and friends have walked out of my life so i guess i have abandoment, and trust issues. i know everyone i know and love are eventually going to leave just like the rest, so i have a hard time knowing ppl are there and care. i try to be happy, but it just dosent always work out. all the pain i have ever had is still here, and its strong. i cry when im upset, and lonley, but i try to hold it in, so its like a damn about to burst. basically i dont feel important, needed wanted or anything special. i live smiling and happy, but inside im really dieing and idk if ill be okay sometimes. sometimes i treat life like a school day. count the hours until its over. but thats what it feels like, i long horrible sad day that never ends. sometimes idk what to do with my self to the point where i might as well not be here. just a little about me but ill write more another time. (heres a short poem from me for you.) As the tears roll down my face, i open my mouth and pray for them to quinch my thirst for love happiness, and wholeness. They flood my body,yet i am bone dry so i close my eyes, and wonder when will this die. Or when will i find something to live for.