First journal

So this is my firs journal entry.. I have heard this helps so I'm willing to try it. After all, it seems like I have tried everything else.. well I guess I haven't tried the "time heals all" thing. This break up has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I have been in love before but nothing compared to this. It just hurts a lot more than any other break up I have had. Or maybe it is because he dumped me but I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for the relationship to be over yet. I mean we were a month away from being husband and wife.. I didn't see it coming at all. He was my sunshine and every amazing thing. 
 
I miss him every day. I miss his touch and his kiss. I miss holding his hand and walking on the beach. He thinks i'm dumb because I only look at the good and not the bad yet all he focuses on is the bad and none of the good. I'm not pro at relationships but i thought they all came with arguments and stuff? I mean it will never be perfect right? It will never be as good as pretty woman or ps i love you or any of that stupid lies. 
 
It seems like in every movie, the guy and girl always fall in love and one way or another.. it is just perfect, the complete opposite of real life. It makes me quiet mad because I do want that fairytale. why can't i have it? and if it doesn't exist, why do they put it in every movie? and why can't he forgive me? All I ever did was love him and trust him unconditionally... and he left me..