First entry, new start, frustrated and keen.
Finally have stumbled onto this group, for which I am thankful.
My thoughts so far?
How many other gay men in the group? I've often seen pathologisation of homosexuality within my search of narcissistic personality disorder, which I'm sure keeps many gay men away from the topic.
Do narcissists try and find out about NPD? I wonder this because I've certainly outed my suspicion of the disorder to my N and his reaction is so loaded and inflated that I'm sure he's heard it before.
I'm wondering when I'll be game enough to start a topic? I'm usually so assertive, but my self esteem has had such a big smack down! that it may take a while.
While looking at posts on 'backsliding' I did think that the most helpful thing for me at the moment when I'm in this situation is, to think of what a reasonable response would be from me to someone I love and care about, lover or friend, superimpose that on my Ns actions, and usually it comes up far beneath any standard i'm used to, making me certain that I've been in some sort of cosmic spiral, or alternate universe with this dude, my friends must have been so insulted that I allowed such a shithead into my life! (no matter how attractive he is)
I'm kind of pissed off with myself that maybe I did only let him in because I found him so attractive, I didn't think I was so bloody superficial.
I do acknowledge and accept that most narcissists seem to be male, or at least masculine regardless of sex, that makes me kind of depressed, cause as a gay man, I'd like to have some sort of hope that there are more then just a handful of decent men out there.
I am also thinking of the narcissistic traits that I've taken on of late as a way of coping with the narcissistic abuse, and how it has helped as a strategy. My initial fear was that I may turn into a narcissist from my trauma, but then I realised that it felt like an act, funny, and camp, not real, and I diffused it with humour, allowing my friends to have a good laugh at what is actually me 'outing my trauma'. And, it is a great strategy when dealing with my N, he really has no such humour, and it just confuses him.
I think maybe I'll have some really fun things to contribute to this group, and I'll get some of the good things of myself back, things I used to use in casework and counselling for other young people who were finding it hard to cope with control freaks and dicks.
Thanks internet and universe for supplying, what a great time to be living.
And thanks mum, for at least allowing me enough space from my narcissistic father to be empathetic instead of heartless and brutal. I feel your pain, and although I'm thankful, I hope not to repeat your life, cause I know it was not happy a lot of the time. You were a strong woman. x
My thoughts so far?
How many other gay men in the group? I've often seen pathologisation of homosexuality within my search of narcissistic personality disorder, which I'm sure keeps many gay men away from the topic.
Do narcissists try and find out about NPD? I wonder this because I've certainly outed my suspicion of the disorder to my N and his reaction is so loaded and inflated that I'm sure he's heard it before.
I'm wondering when I'll be game enough to start a topic? I'm usually so assertive, but my self esteem has had such a big smack down! that it may take a while.
While looking at posts on 'backsliding' I did think that the most helpful thing for me at the moment when I'm in this situation is, to think of what a reasonable response would be from me to someone I love and care about, lover or friend, superimpose that on my Ns actions, and usually it comes up far beneath any standard i'm used to, making me certain that I've been in some sort of cosmic spiral, or alternate universe with this dude, my friends must have been so insulted that I allowed such a shithead into my life! (no matter how attractive he is)
I'm kind of pissed off with myself that maybe I did only let him in because I found him so attractive, I didn't think I was so bloody superficial.
I do acknowledge and accept that most narcissists seem to be male, or at least masculine regardless of sex, that makes me kind of depressed, cause as a gay man, I'd like to have some sort of hope that there are more then just a handful of decent men out there.
I am also thinking of the narcissistic traits that I've taken on of late as a way of coping with the narcissistic abuse, and how it has helped as a strategy. My initial fear was that I may turn into a narcissist from my trauma, but then I realised that it felt like an act, funny, and camp, not real, and I diffused it with humour, allowing my friends to have a good laugh at what is actually me 'outing my trauma'. And, it is a great strategy when dealing with my N, he really has no such humour, and it just confuses him.
I think maybe I'll have some really fun things to contribute to this group, and I'll get some of the good things of myself back, things I used to use in casework and counselling for other young people who were finding it hard to cope with control freaks and dicks.
Thanks internet and universe for supplying, what a great time to be living.
And thanks mum, for at least allowing me enough space from my narcissistic father to be empathetic instead of heartless and brutal. I feel your pain, and although I'm thankful, I hope not to repeat your life, cause I know it was not happy a lot of the time. You were a strong woman. x
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