first entry in a long while
Well, this is my first entry for a couple of months and although a lot of things has happened since my last entry, somehow i've managed to keep it together.
i've somehow found the strength and the courage within myself to carry on with everyday life, and get on with things as best as i can.... but as i've learnt just lately, it isnt always as easy that, thier is certain days that you cant deal with it and that things really do get you down...like today has got me extremly down :/
erm, well first of all, im glad to say that about 7 weeks ago now i started at a new college doing performing arts, singing, dancing and modelling :)
im so very proud of myself, for how far i have come since i started that college, i've had no problems with the students, we have all got on very well and have become quite close....
and then, i went to the doctors, asked them to help me in one way or another as i honestly couldnt carry on the way i was, i was self harming constantly, as you may know.... and i started drinking heavily, it all got out of hand and i needed help before i got totally out of control.
so i asked the doctor quite nicely, to take the time to give me the help that i need.
he tried to tell me that the only thing he could do was to section me, which to be honest i wasnt impressed with him....
i also told him that he could at least take the time to put me onto anti depressants, and see if they help me....
but he wasnt prepared to do that so i ended up in an arguement with my doctor and walked out of the surgery :/
but then for some reason the last 4 days, i've been so lethargic... i've not wanted to get out of bed, i've not wanted to move....
its like, theres not a point to waking up in the morning anymore, i've tried to help myself and theres only so much that a person can take withoutt falling apart.
and today, its been so hard to keep myself together, i've tried so hard and although i have broke down a couple of times today....im still sat here trying my damn hardest to be strong and keep myself together
because im scared that if i cry i'll never get back up again.
thankyouu for readingg
love you all x
i've somehow found the strength and the courage within myself to carry on with everyday life, and get on with things as best as i can.... but as i've learnt just lately, it isnt always as easy that, thier is certain days that you cant deal with it and that things really do get you down...like today has got me extremly down :/
erm, well first of all, im glad to say that about 7 weeks ago now i started at a new college doing performing arts, singing, dancing and modelling :)
im so very proud of myself, for how far i have come since i started that college, i've had no problems with the students, we have all got on very well and have become quite close....
and then, i went to the doctors, asked them to help me in one way or another as i honestly couldnt carry on the way i was, i was self harming constantly, as you may know.... and i started drinking heavily, it all got out of hand and i needed help before i got totally out of control.
so i asked the doctor quite nicely, to take the time to give me the help that i need.
he tried to tell me that the only thing he could do was to section me, which to be honest i wasnt impressed with him....
i also told him that he could at least take the time to put me onto anti depressants, and see if they help me....
but he wasnt prepared to do that so i ended up in an arguement with my doctor and walked out of the surgery :/
but then for some reason the last 4 days, i've been so lethargic... i've not wanted to get out of bed, i've not wanted to move....
its like, theres not a point to waking up in the morning anymore, i've tried to help myself and theres only so much that a person can take withoutt falling apart.
and today, its been so hard to keep myself together, i've tried so hard and although i have broke down a couple of times today....im still sat here trying my damn hardest to be strong and keep myself together
because im scared that if i cry i'll never get back up again.
thankyouu for readingg
love you all x
Replies