First Entry here...

According to my little lying journal, I've lied 9 times this past week, although if you count secrets and knowledge withheld, I'm sure it adds up to more.  One of my best friends has related, also saying he has lied and hurt those close to him.  It's a relief to know that there are people on my side.  However, my ex girlfriend has destroyed me this morning, making me feel inferior and weak and hopeless.  This addiction, this compulsion, is to blame, and I know I can't give up just because it's hard or defeating.  This is why I need to keep going.  I just wish I could feel something.  The side-effect of my lying is that I've been lying to myself and compartmentalizing things.  My son died almost 4 years ago, and I haven't really felt it.  My family is dysfunctional.  My friendships are all based on my own fantasy world.  It's really hard.  You gotta keep going if you're in hell and you want to get out, though, right?  I just gotta keep moving.  One step at a time, one day at a time.