First Entry

Having a hard time right now.  I haven't actually talked to Spanky in over 2 weeks.  I have texted him twice and left a message on his myspace page.  Usually he would get right back with me but not this time.  He's the kind of guy that worries about things too.  I know that if something was on his mind or bothered him enough, he would call me.  I'm scared that he wants to totally blow me off for good.  He said that we could start over our friendship and get to know eachother better.  Doesn't seem to want to put any effort into it though.  He supposedly partied all weekend with his new- upcoming roommate.  She's only 19 and I already don't like her.  Her idea of a good time is getting f'd up all the time.  It's the last thing that he needs.  She even left him a comment on his myspace page to "have a great day at work. I love you!"  What the hell is that all about?  How can he let her say that but when it comes to me, he's got to hold me back?  I love that stupid asshole more than she would ever imagine loving him.  I'm better for him.  Why doesn't he want to realize that?  Sure, I have some issues that I need to work on but so does he.  He's 33 for heaven's sake and he is acting like he is still in high school.  He has 4 kids to support and by his reckless ways of sleeping with anything that moves, will probably find out that he can be called "daddy" by  a few more kids soon.  Why can't he wake up and grow up?  I've never found someone who thinks about things (other than what he does) on such a deep level.  He is my soul mate and I don't want to give up on the chance that we could still possibly have.