First Entry
A journal for pain. What a great idea to help me through.
I guess I will start with how I feel today. Started at noon and its a #8 now at 7pm and 3 T-3's have barely touched it because it is real sharp. I have to stop myself from gritting my teeth. I feel defeated.
I prayed for help and maybe stumbling onto this site is what I need. I used to frequent migraine forums but I found them to be unhelpful with dealing with my ever increasing pain and the fall out of that. People in the migraine forum sometimes only have a feiw migraines a month.
I'm not coping so well of late and I don't really want to admit it to my loved ones. Maybe I should confess to Jim. I know he can take it. I'm fortunate that way, but it is a lot to give your partner to let them know that you are doing worse.
Some days, I get scared. Not only that the migraines are worse and almost daily now, and that I am feeling ill almost every day. But too, when I am feeling really ill, is that I think of death all the time. That I wish my life would end real soon...likee this year or this month or this week. That scares me.
When I drive home from work, my mind drifts and I entertain the thought of a big dump truck losing his breaks and stopping ontop of my car. But I am terrified of anyone tailgaiting me because a rearender means many more migraines.
Am I suicidal? I don't think so because I love my people to hurt them that much. My best highschool friend took her life and I know of two others that have. I know what it does to the living. And, as valliant as that seems, I've also been very depressed in my life and gone for counselling, so I recognize that it can pass. I know some tools and I know to reach out. I pray I never get too lost in the dark. It is the lull of the dark that scares me and it comes to me more often.
It feels like I am always always fighting. Of late, my hands shake. I don't know why.
November I will see the Migraine specialist
I guess I will start with how I feel today. Started at noon and its a #8 now at 7pm and 3 T-3's have barely touched it because it is real sharp. I have to stop myself from gritting my teeth. I feel defeated.
I prayed for help and maybe stumbling onto this site is what I need. I used to frequent migraine forums but I found them to be unhelpful with dealing with my ever increasing pain and the fall out of that. People in the migraine forum sometimes only have a feiw migraines a month.
I'm not coping so well of late and I don't really want to admit it to my loved ones. Maybe I should confess to Jim. I know he can take it. I'm fortunate that way, but it is a lot to give your partner to let them know that you are doing worse.
Some days, I get scared. Not only that the migraines are worse and almost daily now, and that I am feeling ill almost every day. But too, when I am feeling really ill, is that I think of death all the time. That I wish my life would end real soon...likee this year or this month or this week. That scares me.
When I drive home from work, my mind drifts and I entertain the thought of a big dump truck losing his breaks and stopping ontop of my car. But I am terrified of anyone tailgaiting me because a rearender means many more migraines.
Am I suicidal? I don't think so because I love my people to hurt them that much. My best highschool friend took her life and I know of two others that have. I know what it does to the living. And, as valliant as that seems, I've also been very depressed in my life and gone for counselling, so I recognize that it can pass. I know some tools and I know to reach out. I pray I never get too lost in the dark. It is the lull of the dark that scares me and it comes to me more often.
It feels like I am always always fighting. Of late, my hands shake. I don't know why.
November I will see the Migraine specialist
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