First day- Starting from rock Bottom

ok ...So today is my first time on Daily Strength. I hope this help seeing that having councilling at the moment is not an option, Speaking to my mom and dad is out of the question( even if they say i can speak to them i know they would dislike or blame everything on chris because according to them this is not who i am...interesting....), speaking to chris's mom...not anymore, wont do that.....So what do i do???
Speaking to the Lord...definitley an option. Funny, i use to be so devoted, but why did i get off that narrow road. I think it is since me and Chris moved in together.( NOW, im not blaming ANYTHING on him cause i understand very clearly all is my decision)...You see, he does stuff which i dont like and vice versa. He like s weed i feel its wrong, with a baby is even worse to me. YES its a good herb, but i dont misuse it, or NEED it. To me it only tears families apart andn THAT is a threat to me.YES his friends are so use to just come inside, we like never have private time. they asre there everyday. I tried being ok with it and i was , but it got to me. Chris and i hardly know what to say to each other any more when we are alone. He gets mad ...its just all so painful to type cause i dont want to talk down on my partner. I am proud of him but not his wrong doings. I want to move out but i cant. .....i just hate my life and where its heading. Usually i would ask any girl who say that, trust in the LORD....and what do i do...Nothing....Say the L word and i feel i deserve different.
i have forgotten to be happy. I have forgotten where happines is found. I have forgotten about the one thing that made me different , the one thing that made me strong, the one thing who made me the girl everybody use to love.....JESUS.  How can i be soooo stupid??
He didnt wanna go with me to church, so i stopped going( foolish girl). He didnt wanna pray with me and read bible, so i stoppped( foolish girl)...He didnt want try and do the right thing...so i battled.
 
I walk in to a church the other day and i just started crying...I knew why. This is where i wanted to be. BUt i couldnt....Stupid hey? i want to be with Tianna and her only. No more me...Chris i cant say it. Just love you and know your true beuty, but my darling, you are missing out of one thing that gives us love, One thing that will make us happy. One thing that will save us and gauentee's our salvation....JESUS......
yet i stay a foolish girl....so is this then finally why im sad and living the  crappy lifestyle i call life??
 
I dont know......