First day on daily strength

I'm an Indian... I've always suffered from depression since I was 11 years old.No in our country, particularly the place where I live ,we're not used to go the Doctor or Psychiatrist to seek help for mental health.So,I've to suffer every day(mainly night) with depression.I've now reached a point, that I can say proudly, depression might makes me sad,but does make me feel I'm home, depression is my closest friend besides google search engine.I know I speak absurd things,maybe this is the reason why people thinks me to be a loser.I really don't blame anyone, it's my fault i can't be that good.This is the reason why I don't want people to waste their time babysitting me,but I still like the feeling when a stranger texts u,this is the best feeling ever,makes me feel special.