First

"The addictive process tends to progress from denial and outright lying toward delusion because it makes it easier to live with one’s self if the fabrications that seem to be necessary for survival feel “real.” Yet, there is always another part of the mind that knows the truth. Addiction becomes a battleground for these two opposing mental states."

And that was one of the worst parts of it. That dichotomy of two "truths.". No wonder in my private life for years I have been so indecisive.

"Recovery happens when the truth, with all its pain and shame, is finally acknowledged, and a conscious choice is made to commit to honesty and healing versus lies and self-destruction."

So if the truth is painful does this mean I am feeding my addiction?

Jesus 'a Christo this sucks.