Finished my Provera last week....

I think I'm going to put my period on a milk carton, cuz its missing.Oddly, I don't feel too bad about it.  I start a novena today, but I know I am subconsciously concern.  Miraculously, my business has really picked up and I am doing better.  I start Hot Yoga last friday and I am going to go this morning.I feel like I'm in class and I'm just watching the events of my life on the projector.I really don't know how to feel regarding my period.Does it mean that my ovary has given up?  Has it been too long? I am in my late 30's.I believe in prayer though.  St. Jude has never let me down.Although,through all of this, I have not done a novena.  Maybe I was too scared that St. Jude would let me down.  I've seen so many non-hopeful faces that I'm used to living in that world.My mom (retired RN) I feel would be one of them if I wasn't her daughter.She wants to be hopeful for me because I'm her child, but would she be if I were just a patient of hers?  I belong to a networking group with an acupuncturist in it.  She and her husband deal with Chinese herbs, etc.  I want to go, but I don't want to expose my issues.  That's right, I am ashamed that I am  having infertility issues because I think it may be a direct result of something I did when I was young.  Do I know what I did?  Of course not. I think this condition (or punishment) is so harsh, it has to be something I did.  Its so random and bleak that I can't believe this has happened.I don't mean to sound like it should not happen to me.  I'm very "why me".  I actually should say "why not me".  Honestly, I can give a lot more reasons as to why NOT me, than why me.My brother in law just announced he's expecting (well, his girlfriend is anyway).You all know how that feels.  People can't celebrate immediately without thinking of how "you're going to take it".  Which is sweet, but people should not stifle their feelings because of our situation.  I'm very excited for them. *sigh*