Fine, not Fine
You're pissed at a lot of things right now. You have to process those and go through them, I'm not sure what my role is in it. You hate me, you want me, you love me, you resent me, all in the same breath. You tried to be really PC and diplomatic and then be your real self as well today and the act which your mind doesn't completely accept is starting to wear. What you are calling diplomatic and polite, I am calling mechanical, which I said would happen, which the book said would happen.
I think you were trying to be open and honest. You covered your face, looked away, fidgeted in a lot of portions when you were silent and thinking, and thinking in your anxiety circles, thinking of what exactly to say instead of saying it. That made it look like you were not honest. What am I supposed to do in those moments?
You'll have to get over the diplomatic, and grieve what was lost. Only then can you realize we have to build something new. I know you are afraid of new, unknown, that it's not going to be what you need and want. Me too.
What is feeling good and what needs to change?
It feels good to really talk, to actually say what's on my mind, to see him strive to be what I want, and he wants to be, not what we are afraid he is.
What gives me hope?
The one moment of real hurt and emotion in missing sex between us in the old way. I hope that he can grieve it.
What do I worry about?
He will push it away. He will undermine the counseling idea, that I will be fake, that I'm faking it until I make it, that I won't stick up for what I want, or I'll not be satisfied.
What makes me feel discouraged?
hours long discussion in getting trapped in his anxiety without a quantifiable outcome. He's still fighting everything and hasn't processed and accepted which is a condition to really working on this.
Has he stopped? no.
Has he adhered to the terms? not yet, there are no terms, only the daily touch base.
Am I fulfilling my part of the agreement and using constructive communication? yes.
Are we using outside resources to help when indicated? Not yet.
I think you were trying to be open and honest. You covered your face, looked away, fidgeted in a lot of portions when you were silent and thinking, and thinking in your anxiety circles, thinking of what exactly to say instead of saying it. That made it look like you were not honest. What am I supposed to do in those moments?
You'll have to get over the diplomatic, and grieve what was lost. Only then can you realize we have to build something new. I know you are afraid of new, unknown, that it's not going to be what you need and want. Me too.
What is feeling good and what needs to change?
It feels good to really talk, to actually say what's on my mind, to see him strive to be what I want, and he wants to be, not what we are afraid he is.
What gives me hope?
The one moment of real hurt and emotion in missing sex between us in the old way. I hope that he can grieve it.
What do I worry about?
He will push it away. He will undermine the counseling idea, that I will be fake, that I'm faking it until I make it, that I won't stick up for what I want, or I'll not be satisfied.
What makes me feel discouraged?
hours long discussion in getting trapped in his anxiety without a quantifiable outcome. He's still fighting everything and hasn't processed and accepted which is a condition to really working on this.
Has he stopped? no.
Has he adhered to the terms? not yet, there are no terms, only the daily touch base.
Am I fulfilling my part of the agreement and using constructive communication? yes.
Are we using outside resources to help when indicated? Not yet.
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