Finding the Words
How do I find the words to explain how a mother can betray her daughter in favour of her abusive son in law? I am still reeling in shock.....a signed affidavit by my parents saying that they never witnessed any abuse, which is true, they only have their daughters word that she was brutally assaulted. They snuck behind my back, went to my n-trying desperately to be ex-husband's lawyer and had a full page of praise for their obviously beloved son-in-law.
When my brother heard what had happened he phoned my father and asked why they would get involved in my divorce, and my nfather said that my nmother had been very upset that I had tried to talk to my father about narcissism and had brought him a book. This was four years ago, and not once did I hear that my nmother was even upset, never mind festering in rage until she could find a way to hurt me. This is unbelievable!!
When my brother heard what had happened he phoned my father and asked why they would get involved in my divorce, and my nfather said that my nmother had been very upset that I had tried to talk to my father about narcissism and had brought him a book. This was four years ago, and not once did I hear that my nmother was even upset, never mind festering in rage until she could find a way to hurt me. This is unbelievable!!
Replies
OMG. Interesting reason why your parents are getting involved in your divorce. Is it to protect a man they believe to be innocent? Oh no. It\'s all about THEM. It\'s payback for your having confronted them about their narcissism, FOUR years ago! Even though you didn\'t even know they were upset! I\'ve been there. They wait until an opportunity arises when they can really hurt you. it\'s so nasty. They absolutely must discredit you in any way they can. This is so, so awful! I\'m so angry with them for letting you down so very badly. They should be utterly ashamed of themselves. But hey, I believe in karma.Keep really really strong. Be your own best friend. Be your own mum and dad, nurture that inner child. This is how I felt, when my dad narc raged at me and my mum hung me out to dry. Shock, then extreme sadness, then again, shock, then anger, then then -realisation that this was an injustice they either couldn\'t or wouldn\'t take responsibility for, then cold acceptance...... and then the wall went up. The wall that meant they could never get to me again. Don\'t have it. Ever again. Nurture yourself. Love yourself. You will find someone else who is kind and loving.xxxxx
I am so sorry to hear this for you. You would think after being around them all these years that nothing they do should shock us but they do don\'t they!! Because we do not think in a vindictive, cold, unfeeling, self centered way. Only they do. Monumental moments likes these tell us who really loves us and who does not love us. I am here for you!! Funny thing, I don\'t even really know you but I feel rage for your situation...to the point that I just want to defend you and protect you and comfort you. Please take care of yourself in this amazingly difficult situation you are enduring. They are wrong on so many levels, they are vindictive and filled with anger. Let them have each other...they deserve one another!!! You are better off without all of them.
I have had a few tears over this.....but, your loving support have brought tears of gratitude. You know the truth, my brother and sister know the truth, and my children are learning the truth. Your words are like the voice of sanity coming out of the craziness, and for that my heart is full. Do you know that I have not been on here for a while, but, doesn\'t Pitstop send me a hug yesterday, out of the blue, that was just what I needed. I am feeling your outrage in the same way that my sister and brother responded, healthily!! I am going to post the letter that I started to write to them and I would love to get my own personal Narc experts (that\'s you : )). I know that I taught psychology but, you all have an intimate understanding that I really need right now. Pitstop, TLB....you have no idea what your support means to me!!! Love, K
I have decided not to write a letter, afterall. Too much wasted energy. I think that I will talk to healthy people instead, and maybe have a swim : ).
And be content with the fact, that they now have to be worried about being cross examined by my lawyer, put on the stand (they hate public displays) and that they will never hear from me again, and quite possibly my brother and sister. So much pain for what? I want to reassure you lovely people that I am surrounded by loving people, and a new French-Canadian fellow, a psychiatric nurse, who I do not have to explain things too : ).
Oh I\'m glad I sent you a hug when you needed one. I agree about not sending the letter, though if it keeps coming into you head, write it down just don\'t send it. Record the details of this, in case of any future gaslighting. Narcs love rewriting history. You\'ve supported me too, and many folk on here. We are a pretty vulnerable group. Or rather, we were. The internet means that we can find, and support each other, like we were never able to do previously. That\'s a position of strength! xxxxx
Hello again!! OMG, what are your parents thinking??? I can\'t believe what they are doing, or their \'reasons\' for it, and yet I just know it\'s so true and typical of narcs... I\'m so, so sorry they are putting you through this hell :( You might expect an abuser\'s family to back them, but the victim\'s?!!
There is no excuse for any of it whatsoever, and the very idea that they thought this was a rightful payback for your trying to discuss their narcissism with them? The sheer selfishness and evil of it!
I am glad that you have so much love in your life too, which you SO deserve, and my final word on your parents is that I hope your lawyer gives them absolute hell and they get shown up for all to see! I share Pitstop and tommorrowlooksbright\'s anger at them so much on your behalf :(
Take care of yourself, and it\'s so nice to see you back, although I am deeply sorry about the current circumstances. We are all rooting for you! Lots of love, RB XXX
Thank you sooooooooo much RB. I did need to take a little time away to balance out my life a bit. I was spending too much time focusing on the problems in my life and I needed time to nurture the good things in my life. I desperately need a balance and all of your support helps balance when the crazies start invading : (.. I do find it awe inspiring to feel so connected to all of you and to hear you rally to my defense.
It really struck me when you wrote \"evil\" because that is what my brother said about my mother. That although my father was sick and misguided, that there was something more evil about our mother.
I remember an incident when we were very young when my brother was experiencing a lot of pain. He was just out of his latest surgery with both feet and lower legs in casts. He was trying to stand and learn to walk yet again. Unconciously he would flick his hands and arms. I remember my mother mocking him saying \"that looks ridiculous, do you want everyone to see you doing this\" at which point she showed him with her face all screwed up and arms flapping wildly, a complete exageration of what my brother was doing. When I was taking a creative writing course I wrote a story about my brother\'s heroism and at that time remembered his flicking hands. It came to me with the clarity of truth that all he was doing was trying to flick the pain away. My mother has taken credit for that ever since; that she had realized since he was young that it was him just trying to cope with pain and now she does it with this deep look of \'feeling for her child\'. Thank God none of us was a single child, so that we can verify how crazymaking it actually was.
Shame on them......but, shame is the one thing that they will avoid at all cost even the destruction of their family.
Lots of love back at you, and although I have not been on here I do find myself thinking and worrying about you!!! You too DESERVE LOVE IN YOUR LIFE as well!! I do not know how to tell you how much your support means to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! K
Hi Hummingbird, glad to see you back here but so sorry for the latest you\'re going through. That is truly awful what your parents did. Unfortunately, it doesn\'t surprise me since my mother is the same way. She had the audacity to tell my then-fiancee at their third encounter that should we have marriage difficulties, it would be my fault! This was said right in front of me with that special gleam in her eye! I\'m sure you realize that the affidavit was more about retaliation than making you look bad in court. Now they\'re the ones who will look bad. The judge will have to ask himself/herself why on earth are these people doing this? If they didn\'t see anything, then why the need to say anything? And just because two people didn\'t see anything doesn\'t mean it didn\'t happen! I didn\'t see it either but I believe you! Hang in there. It must be stressful. I\'m glad you\'ve got some nice distractions though! Big ((HUGS))!
That is shocking Hummingbird1! I hope things have gotten better for you since you wrote this. To side with your ex-husband all because you gave your dad a book on narcissism?!?!? There\'s no rhyme nor reason to narcissism, just realize that their crazy is not your crazy!
Thanks Fizzgig!!!!! It has taken me a long time to realize just what you say, they are crazy/sick, and there is nothing I can do about it. Support like yours helps sooooooooooooooooooo much!! Thank you!!