Finding pieces of me, or what I miss

I was reading a post in the forum, thinking about how sad out is that these wonderful, intelligent, good people lose so much of themselves....confidence and so on. It got me thinking about how much I've changed and hire much I've lost over the years. I used to trust people unconditionally unless they have me a reason not to....now not so much. I am always second guessing what their true motives are and holding back some of myself. I used to know I was intelligent and articulate, now I find myself second guessing myself and feeling afraid that I've come off as an idiot in a conversation. I used to have confidence, now I can barely look someone in the eyes when I talk to them and I'm always feeling self conscious. I used to be a good, supportive friend, now I find myself so wrapped up in my own shit that I know I'm neglecting others. I used to be creative and fearless, I had huge dreams and honestly believed I could accomplish anything...now I'm afraid they're stupid and I find myself staying stuck in fear...not just in my relationship, but in my life.  I used to love to spend time with other people, now I'm so tense and afraid of the repercussions that I find myself constantly checking my phone and wondering if this excursion was really with it....I can't enjoy myself. I used to enjoy reading and doing puzzles and other relaxing things, now when I have time if I run around like a crazy person trying to make sure he can find nothing to criticize about my laziness. I used to have a great sense of humor and I was fun, now I'm afraid to be because it usually ends in a fight. I miss that person and I dearly hope that one day my kids and the people I know now can meet that person.