Today is an improvement with strength. I believe the changes in the house are helping, for I so love my home. It is where I find peace, serenity, and comfort. The only thing missing is the man I shared 38 years of my life with, but he is there in spirit. There is no need for me to stop loving my home because some things bring me pain. So, they are material objects and I change them. My husband wouldn't mind, and as someone told me, if he were alive you would still eventually make these changes for you would get tired of the house looking the same way. And, they are right. On the way home last night I had the internal feeling to clean out some dresser drawers, bag up the items, and give them to my next door neighbor for her church's mission in Haiti. I know that somehow it was my husband and God telling me to let the things go. It was OK. And it was a good feeling. I still love my husband in my heart, and miss our life together, but he still walks with me every day. I pray that God continues to allow me to heal, and find new friends and activities to fullfill my loss. Other well-meaning people believe that it entails a new partner, but I don't think of that. I find that mindset to be very upsetting and hurtful. It is also disrespectful to me and my deceased partner. I need to focus on me, my loss, my friends and my family. I don't need to be made to feel like I am going to be a very lonely, alone person, because I don't hook up with someone. It is cruel what others' comments can do to your mind and your soul. They don't mean to hurt, they only want to help. Not surprisingly, it never comes from a person who has been widowed for they know and they understand. I know that today is a step forward and an improvement, but I also know there will be steps backward too. Looking forward to the bible study group I have been invited too, which starts September 22. It is a womens' group and should bring a sense of serenity.