Finding My Warm, Fuzzy, Sexy Place in This World

The worse the economy gets, the colder, meaner and nastier people get.  It's becoming increasingly difficult to come down from the cold-hearted pursuit of money and get into a warm zone.  Part of the problem is I've been dodging substance my whole life, and instead falling in love with visuals.  Bad idea when it comes to relationships.  Now that substance has finally come to the forefront, it seems my heart is shit.  I try to be warm and loving, but, under that is a contempt for humanity and a rather callous, cold-hearted, lusting thing that comes out, perhaps as a survival mechanism, as a means not to get hurt, as a self-preservation instinct, but it's keeping me alone and I do not wish to be alone.  So (sigh) either cave into others and allow them to trod all over me, or tower above them so I can't get hurt.  There's got to be some middle ground, way to see eye to eye and be happy...maybe it's a matter of getting comfortable with someone to the point where I'm not feeling threatened in any way...then I can be totally adoring...