Finding my place in this life.
I have been so deeply depressed for a long time now. Medication doesn't help much. My place used to be with my sweet Colleen, but that place is no more. I am living with my son now, and he is really wonderful, but inside I keep feeling like excess baggage! Although I have a close bond with my older daughter and my son, it is not the same bond I had with Colleen. I can never have that same special bond with anyone else, ever again! It is this emptiness inside that I find so devastating!
I started painting again, but now I paint pictures that symbolize my deepest emotions, how I really feel deep inside. Painting Tweety in a garbage can, drifting in the ocean, made me realize that I can create something physical from my hurt and pain. It gives me something special to do........., a small reason to carry on........, and for now, my own little place in this universe.
I started painting again, but now I paint pictures that symbolize my deepest emotions, how I really feel deep inside. Painting Tweety in a garbage can, drifting in the ocean, made me realize that I can create something physical from my hurt and pain. It gives me something special to do........., a small reason to carry on........, and for now, my own little place in this universe.
Replies
Oh my dear Andelene. I am so sorry you are feeing so down. I wish I could be there to cry with you.
Painting is a wonderful outlet. My son is an artist and paints his emotions. It helps him get the pain out. I totally get how your bond with Colleen was so special. Lisa is my best friend and I no longer feel the same joy I did. It is indeed emptiness.
Just know you are not alone.
Love and tight hugs, Marlene
please post some of your paintings,,, I would love to see them...and that special connection,, yes,, I had that with Morgan....and I miss her so much,,, love ya!
Feeling the deep longing and missing for your precious Colleen my friend.
I knew you were painting and this is a healer for sure. I too would love to see some of your creations if and when you are ready to share.
You are doing your best and that is all that you can ask of yourself. This grief path takes every bit of energy and courage one has so be extra gentle with yourself.
Loving care and heartfelt (((hugs)))
XO Joanie
My sweet Andelene, I understand that connection and missing it down to your very soul. Painting can help with our emotions and I would love to see some when and if you are ready. I feel that deep seeded pain and loss without Ryan. I am sending my deepest love and hugs, prayers and be ever so gentle with yourself my friend. I think of you and Colleen so often. Debbie
Andelene, I do see the difference between your situation and mine! I still feel what you feel but slighter because of the difference and time... Expressing how you feel is so important whether it be in pictures, words, or other ways. I thought my love was in African Violets but that became a chore. Now I am finding meaning in other ways and other things. I was depressed for so long...now with the help of my doctor moving medicines around (which wasn\'t easy) and hiring a bit of help once a month, I am feeling ever so much better! I know medical care is different everywhere, but in another country, it is hard for me to imagine. I encourage you to keep going though and will hope and pray for you more often. Please keep in touch! ~Leda
Would love to see some of your paintings. Post some when you can. Don\'t be so hard on yourself...all you can do is the best you can with each day - whatever that may be. Some days are so much better than others. Hugs, Ann