FINDING LOVE ... Found Love ... lost love ....
That is how I found MY Anthony, with a random comment on a 40+ dating site. ‘Finding Love ….’. Ironically, I was using the Title as a euphemism, if single’s in South Africa were relying on our internet connectivity; one would die alone or be totally dependent on Cupid’s arrow.
Well Cupid Arrow struck! Anthony responded to my humour and a destined friendship was born. We chatted for over a month and then finally decided to meet.
It took one look into one another eyes, a quaint restaurant, one of cupid’s arrows and we both knew we had found Loves home. Yes, it was Love at first sight. Neither of us ever looked back…
We spent Four Fantasmogorical years together. Never, once arguing or angry with one another. We finished each other’s sentences. Sat the same way. Loved the same food. Shared the same interests. We were the proverbial ‘two peas in a pod’.
On the 26 April 2015, a Higher Power, decided to take Anthony at 52. Anthony passed away on our bed. A healthy, vibrant, strong, sexy, independent, confident man’s HEART gave in. I tried to resuscitate him, but to no avail! His heart stopped beating and mine shattered into a million fragments. My two boys witnessed it all! The trauma and shock has affected them both tremendously.
It is now, two a bit months since my LAST kiss goodbye and I find myself trapped in a Time Warp. The first month and a half I was constantly busy:
Trying to find a job.
Sorting out tons of paperwork.
Keeping the wolf away from the door.
Saying goodbye to my oldest Son.
Dealing with my youngest Son. Through shock and trauma, Type 1 diabetes set in. He was hospitalized for 3 weeks with erratic Sugar Control. Whilst in hospital, Depression set in, so they removed him to the Psychiatric Ward.
Having to let my two dogs go.
Car Breaking down
The fear of living alone in South Africa, never knowing when you will get unexpected visitors in the night!
Now, I sit alone (for the first time in my life), no one to speak or turn too. So much hurt and anger ever present!
In South Africa, if you are not married, your union is not recognized. You have no legal claim whatsoever. You cannot arrange the funeral or take claim of the ashes if your partner has living family. Basically you count for nothing …. A mere whisper in the Night, Hence my comment, ‘forever hurt and anger present’.
Thank God, we resided in my home, or I would be on the street right now.
Everyday seems worse that the day before!. I miss him with my soul! I wish I had a time machine.
Well Cupid Arrow struck! Anthony responded to my humour and a destined friendship was born. We chatted for over a month and then finally decided to meet.
It took one look into one another eyes, a quaint restaurant, one of cupid’s arrows and we both knew we had found Loves home. Yes, it was Love at first sight. Neither of us ever looked back…
We spent Four Fantasmogorical years together. Never, once arguing or angry with one another. We finished each other’s sentences. Sat the same way. Loved the same food. Shared the same interests. We were the proverbial ‘two peas in a pod’.
On the 26 April 2015, a Higher Power, decided to take Anthony at 52. Anthony passed away on our bed. A healthy, vibrant, strong, sexy, independent, confident man’s HEART gave in. I tried to resuscitate him, but to no avail! His heart stopped beating and mine shattered into a million fragments. My two boys witnessed it all! The trauma and shock has affected them both tremendously.
It is now, two a bit months since my LAST kiss goodbye and I find myself trapped in a Time Warp. The first month and a half I was constantly busy:
Trying to find a job.
Sorting out tons of paperwork.
Keeping the wolf away from the door.
Saying goodbye to my oldest Son.
Dealing with my youngest Son. Through shock and trauma, Type 1 diabetes set in. He was hospitalized for 3 weeks with erratic Sugar Control. Whilst in hospital, Depression set in, so they removed him to the Psychiatric Ward.
Having to let my two dogs go.
Car Breaking down
The fear of living alone in South Africa, never knowing when you will get unexpected visitors in the night!
Now, I sit alone (for the first time in my life), no one to speak or turn too. So much hurt and anger ever present!
In South Africa, if you are not married, your union is not recognized. You have no legal claim whatsoever. You cannot arrange the funeral or take claim of the ashes if your partner has living family. Basically you count for nothing …. A mere whisper in the Night, Hence my comment, ‘forever hurt and anger present’.
Thank God, we resided in my home, or I would be on the street right now.
Everyday seems worse that the day before!. I miss him with my soul! I wish I had a time machine.
Replies
I am so sorry for your loss. Are you from SA or do you have family in the states that you can come home to. I am also sorry you had to let your dogs go.....that is so sad.
My heart goes out to you.
Jen
Hi Jen,
Thank you for your heartfelt empathy. It is much appreciated! In answer, no, I am fully South African. Unfortunately, in South Africa there are few local Grief Support Groups available. Google lead me to this site.
It saddens me that the people close to one, unless they have experienced the loss of a LIfe Partner, have no clue about what one is going through. They can offer very little advise on how to cope with one\'s sorrow and having to start over on one\'s own... yet half way across the world, there are people that know without having to explain, how one truly feels.