Finding me
I am 49 years old It has taken me this long to finally find my birth family...but at least I have. It started out good made telephone contact with my bio mom she was receptive to the call and it left us both shaking and excited. It has been 4 months and we met once and of coarse I thought that would be enough boy was I wrong.
Initially it consumed my thoughts...her ..her family the connections. The relationship seemed to be progressing and we were both content where we were. I never had any interest in finding my biofather I always thought he was a dirt bag that abandoned my mother. Once i met her I did not find the DARK seed I was sure was part of me. This led me to question his identity again. Then I found him (dead as I expected) he had killed himself at a young age and left a wife and 3 children.
I was correct he denied ever sleeping with my mother and needless to say his wife and my biomom were both pregnant at the same time. This find led me to his family which was kinda cool, but it was hard for me to work throught he hatred I had for him.
When my biomom found out we had made contact she was furious that I did not share this with her. I thought we would never speak again. We did work it out but I feel that this has put alot of distance between us. I had planned a trip there and now she says "its not a good time"
I realize it will not be resolved overnight but It had led me to feel rejected all over again. I feel controlled and that I need to wait for her approval or consent to meet again. It also makes it uncomfortable to make contact with other family members because I am afraid she wont approve.
I know I should just let it go and let the dust settle but I feel hurt and rejected
Initially it consumed my thoughts...her ..her family the connections. The relationship seemed to be progressing and we were both content where we were. I never had any interest in finding my biofather I always thought he was a dirt bag that abandoned my mother. Once i met her I did not find the DARK seed I was sure was part of me. This led me to question his identity again. Then I found him (dead as I expected) he had killed himself at a young age and left a wife and 3 children.
I was correct he denied ever sleeping with my mother and needless to say his wife and my biomom were both pregnant at the same time. This find led me to his family which was kinda cool, but it was hard for me to work throught he hatred I had for him.
When my biomom found out we had made contact she was furious that I did not share this with her. I thought we would never speak again. We did work it out but I feel that this has put alot of distance between us. I had planned a trip there and now she says "its not a good time"
I realize it will not be resolved overnight but It had led me to feel rejected all over again. I feel controlled and that I need to wait for her approval or consent to meet again. It also makes it uncomfortable to make contact with other family members because I am afraid she wont approve.
I know I should just let it go and let the dust settle but I feel hurt and rejected
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