Finances
My son and his family came in from out of town for Thanksgiving and left Sat. My daughter and her 4 boys came over also. I had a full house from Tuesday to yesterday. We usually take the family to the zoo, but since it was raining we went to see a movie. That cost over $100. Wal Mart and grocery was around $150. My daughter's car (my husband's old car) broke, on Tuesday, and had it worked on 3 times before it was fixed, cost me over $500.
My daughter works in the school caferteria. Her boyfriend drives a oil tanker and makes good money, but their house note is $1200. I try and help when I can, but I told her this weekend (her birthday was yesterday) that I can't keep bailing her out. She owes me $2000 already for me paying to get both their cars fixed. Income tax time always is the promise.
I only have a few thousand left of my husband's insurance money. The house needs so much work. I have someone right now, to fix up the front of the house, new door, porch, and window for $2000. I need siding on it, and it's supposed to be around $6000. I'll have to take out a loan for that.
I'm just scared that I'm losing control of my finances. My granddaughter wants me to help her buy a car. But she doesn't make enough money for that. I hate disappointing people, but I have to stop spending, and now it's Christmas. I told the kids, they have a $50 limit this year. Last year I bought both families a WII, games, etc. We also took a 3 day trip to the coast, and rented a house.
I have to learn how to save. I don't have any bills, but the normal household stuff. But right now my Visa is over $1000. I've been paying it off every month, but this month it got out of control. I have a lease that I couldn't get out of, because I co-signed, so I pay $370 a month for that.
I have to have 2 crowns replaced, so more money. I was talking to my mom tonight about how much I've spent, on the kids, and she was fussing, that I had to stop, that I need to hold on to my money.
My kids can't take care of themselves, much less take care of me. I have to grow some balls, and start sticking up for myself, and say no.
I love having them over, but it's going to have to be cheap eats, and DVD's for a while.
My daughter works in the school caferteria. Her boyfriend drives a oil tanker and makes good money, but their house note is $1200. I try and help when I can, but I told her this weekend (her birthday was yesterday) that I can't keep bailing her out. She owes me $2000 already for me paying to get both their cars fixed. Income tax time always is the promise.
I only have a few thousand left of my husband's insurance money. The house needs so much work. I have someone right now, to fix up the front of the house, new door, porch, and window for $2000. I need siding on it, and it's supposed to be around $6000. I'll have to take out a loan for that.
I'm just scared that I'm losing control of my finances. My granddaughter wants me to help her buy a car. But she doesn't make enough money for that. I hate disappointing people, but I have to stop spending, and now it's Christmas. I told the kids, they have a $50 limit this year. Last year I bought both families a WII, games, etc. We also took a 3 day trip to the coast, and rented a house.
I have to learn how to save. I don't have any bills, but the normal household stuff. But right now my Visa is over $1000. I've been paying it off every month, but this month it got out of control. I have a lease that I couldn't get out of, because I co-signed, so I pay $370 a month for that.
I have to have 2 crowns replaced, so more money. I was talking to my mom tonight about how much I've spent, on the kids, and she was fussing, that I had to stop, that I need to hold on to my money.
My kids can't take care of themselves, much less take care of me. I have to grow some balls, and start sticking up for myself, and say no.
I love having them over, but it's going to have to be cheap eats, and DVD's for a while.
Replies
Boy do I know how you feel....I have been in financial crisis. It has been hard to not pay for everything like we always did when Dan was alive. I think your kids will understand if you just tell them things are different now. We used to be able to pay for everything when we went out with the kids, but I have told them I can\'t pay all the time now. I still find it hard not to pay for the food they eat at my house, but there are a lot more of them, why should I have to buy the food, cook it and clean up the mess? I don\'t think my kids expect it so much as I just feel like I should be paying. We are all just used to me buying the groceries and picking up the tab at restaurants, but it is probably harder for me to stop doing that than it is for them to have me stop. You are right with your idea of cheap eats and DVDs. We have a lot more cheap meals at home than we used to.
Good luck
Angie
You are right! I\'m backing you 100% - tell \'em no and mean it! Oh dear, that is so hard.
When Frank died and my income went down a lot, I told mine that I wasn\'t available for $$. I\'ve had several big repairs on the house lately, plus new expensive glasses. My TV died, and I haven\'t even told my son, because he is very anxious for me to get a big-screen. The room we watch it in is quite small, and I don\'t want a big one. I\'m going to tell him, he can buy it -- pretty sure that will stop that. I have an even smaller tv in my bedroom -- so I\'m going to watch it for the moment. I know you enjoy doing things for the kids, but maybe the daughter needs a place with a smaller note. You can\'t subsidize them always and keep up your own expenses. The only way they can learn to make it on their own is by doing it. I have a son and daughter, both married. Son, daughter & SIL have good jobs. DIL chooses not to work, so her mom and I have \"subsidized\" them for many things.
I wish you courage and the strength to say \"No, I\'m sorry - out of the question\" and stand firm. You will be helping them, as well as yourself. Good luck!
Doye
Sure wish money grew on trees. My income has gone down a LOT & since our OLD bank cheated us out of life insurance I am going to have to sell our home & land. Instead of Christmas presents for everyone this year I sent SMALL boxes of Swiss Colony peti fours for each of the 3 stepson\'s families. Most of the grandkids are grown. The youngest boy has 5 kids but they have more things than they know what to do with. They got a larger box. I have a 95 Subaru wagon & my husband\'s 98 S-10. They are taking turns in the shop. Both on their last legs. Why do kids always think that parents never run out of money? I am really scared with the Real Estate Mkt the way it is now. Sure seems like the losses we\'ve endured would be enough without having to worry about money. My Mom\'s taxes went from $343 to $2200. Because I have only a life time estate on her house I will never get the homestead exemption. Or age 65. I, the tight with a buck one, did turn lose to close to $100. for a GPS. I have a lot of doctors & seems that I am always leaving two hours early in order to make up for time being lost. I tested it on the way to the court house today (probate hearing) & it worked well. I\'d never even seen one in use before. Thought I\'d test it going someplace I knew first. I will try to go back to work soon. I will hope that we all find a way! Take care & let\'s try to make them understand we are not made of money. Hugs, Val
Gosh, I know how you feel about $. I have 3 teens one who just move back in after the death of my husband...He has a job but what he will help with is yet to be seen! Any how they want this and want that and all I have is 2000.00 this is what his company gave me in back vacation and a 500.00 gift card to WalMart! I said, when its gone its gone! I havent the $ for frivalous expenses...I make less than 1000.00 a month with a mortgage of 1200. Everyone knows this but obviously doesnt care too much if they live in a shelter...lol
I agree with Doye - You do your children a BIG favor by NOT paying their way for everything - at some point they need to learn how to budget and take care of themselves financially. My younger son graduated from college and had a job lined up the following Monday. My older son is in his last year of law school and I try to help him out when I can but I haven\'t been working for 5 months now, so I can\'t help like I used to. Yes, I know exactly how you feel...
As long as you back your children financially they will never learn to stand on their own 2 feet. I know that sounds harsh but you will be doing them a favor in the long run. Diane