finally the end

hi allive been thinking of this for 2 days now one of my best friends asked what finally brought me to my knees something ive not really thought about in the past the time has flown by since quitting drink im 15 months sober today 2pm it was i remember it well drinking heavily and a girl came in talking away i said do i look rough she said i look lovely well fine she said i was pissed i was looking at her crying with pain inside me i wanted to die my last few weeks of drinking really took me to my knees i just could not and would not stop drinking i knew i could drink from say 6.30am till about 1ish then stop drink loads of water to sober up then start again at 7pm it was hell waiting till 7pm mouth dry shaking skin crawling ohhh i remember so well now im sat listening to music crying right now but it wasnt long before i just started drinking all day i was now drinking 6 cans before i even opened the shop before it was 2 id moved on big time by 1pm i was thinking bollocks lets just drink the day away once my boss turned up at 2pm he always came about 9.30am if he ever turned up at all not that day he knew he never really said anything my book work was a mess not done in 4 days round about then i was also getting taxis to work every monday simply because i was so paranoid i had no idea if id left cans in the shop  i really had no idea what the shop was like the taxi cost me £45 my work is 40 miles away a dear doi often woke up looked in the mirror day 1 thought im okday 2 not bad day 4 shit i look awfull if someone turns up im gone sackedfor the grace of god i kept my job i often drank when bosses was at the shop giving training id go to toilet swig a can then of i went chatting away to him mad i know but i pushed my look every step of the way once a team security officer turned up to do a shop check etc its random shit that day couldnt have been any worse books a mess shop a shit hole and on top of this i was heavily pissed well my body was pissed but my brain was relatively sober as you know we never really got pissed in our heads at the end i was up stairs drinking sweating cause i was going to throw up but i laid on the floor to get cold and keep it in not to waste any by throwing it up theni looked at him i was in deep trouble i just said is that my job gone he said no why should it be thats up to you area manager to be honest i didnt give a toss long as i had my drink that day my life was a mess i phoned my dad and said dad i want to die i went to meetings pissed drinking in the toilet then i walked to one and said please god help me help me i asked a chap to be my sponsor he sounded very alike his stories where like my life he said kid your drinking days are overtoday i saw that girl today she knows i told her a while ago about my drinking today work is busy where top shop out of 50 this is from been sobertoday i skip down my yellow brick road happy joyous and free thank you kate for reminding me of my past im so gratefull to be sober another 24 hours this will kill us if we go back out today i enjoy life so much it gets better as they all tell me it will peace and love to each and everyone of you i love you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx