Finally saw my daughters's grave marker

I went to my daughter's grave yesterday after almost 2 months. It's difficult for me to go there because just driving there opens up my wounds and takes me back to the days following her loss.  I had not seen her grave marker yet, yesterday was the first time. It was soo cute. How odd that I can call a grave marker cute, but that's my baby.
 I cleaned it and sat there singing her lullabyes that I used to sing to my son when he was a baby. It  is beautiful there, the trees are changing colors from bright green to orange, red, rust, and all the beautiful fall colors. It was a big contrast from what I was used to seeing since she was buried there at the begining of summer. It was windy, but a soothing wind that swayed the tree branches melodiously. It was so peaceful , I didn't want to leave. I believe that she isn't there, just her physical body, but it still felt right just being there. I layed over her grave for the longest time, I almost fell asleep. The windchimes joined in with the sound of the leaves rustling, it sounded so lovely.  I said my goodbyes and left. It was the first time that I left her grave without sobbing, although I did cry a bit on the way home.
The sad part of it is that there are two new graves by her, it's heartbreaking to know that this does happen more often that I ever imagined. I pray those families will be ok.  My husband visits her grave every Friday after work. I can't do it that often because I'm scared that I will break down and go into my dark place and not come out of it for a few days as this has happened before. I feel bad sometimes but like I mentioned above, I believe she's in heaven and I can talk to her at any time.
I miss you baby. I wish you were here but I know you're in a better place. Mommy and Daddy love you more than you can imagine.
 

Replies

LiamLsMommy
LiamLsMommy

Im so glad you were able to do this. It truely sounds beautiful there. It does break my heart to think there are more markers...
Dont feel bad for not being able to go more, you have to take care of yourself as well.
becca6t3
becca6t3

Congratulations on taking this step, I am so very proud of you. I\'m addicted to going to the cemetery to see Annabelle, I feel like it\'s my new home. I have to go every day. There are 3 days I haven\'t gone and I have completely broken down every time. I don\'t even know why I\'m like that, part of my personal grieving process I guess. I am really so proud of you Amanda, keeping you in my thoughts!
deleted_user
deleted_user

I agree with you on them not really being there. I talk to Carly all the time and feel as though she is with me all the time. I hope htis is the case. I go to her grave site probably once a month, but it\'s hard. Although, I must say that I do usually feel even closer to her while I\'m there, not sure why. I am glad it was somewhat peaceful for you. I am wishing you many more peaceful moments and healing, Hugs, Stacy