Finally Outta There.... uuugh

i stayed visiting w/ friends until the late late afternoon.... intentionally so that i could get out of the kitchen hell. by the time i got back, they at least had all of their equipment out and were wrapping up, putting on hardware and doing touch ups. 

we then did a walk thru and found the problem areas together. he had US do that bc he said it is easy for him to miss sometimes. and then they did the touch ups while we were there instead of just leaving and us finding them later.

i am really having a hard time adjusting to how WHITE it is. it is just such a contrast to what i had before in there... going from dark to white is like a slap in the face. but i got a few of my THINGS out.... began to decorate a little and felt the tension easing up. i'm just too fucking old for this... omg.

i think after the "3 day rule" i will really like it. i think once I cook a good meal, clean it very well myself, do some household things... it will feel like MY KITCHEN. 

why is it that the kithen is the heart of the woman's home. it just is... that sounds so old fashioned and even feminist... but it is true for me. i love to cook and even to clean my kitchen. i love to scrub my sink and have the home smelling like a good healthy meal... and then to spic and span it all up. it's like i'm "tending to my family".... myself... my life... my purpose ... it grounds me. 

without my home i am a wandering soul. i don't mind wandering some... it's even fun, but it's my touchstone and my purpose..... for right now it is bc i do not work any more. 

so, i think it is like a new color and hair cut... i give it the 3 day rule... if after 3 days i do not like it... then i know i never will. and sometimes it takes that long to adjust. 

it is a little farm house for sure. that's what i've wanted for a long time. and maybe my emotions will settle down.... 

wow... what a wild ride.