Finally Friday
This has been a very long week. I just can't seem to "shake" the dark cloud that seems to be hanging around in my head. Regardless of what I have done this past week - those moments of time that I keep looking for Jennifer.... Those moments of time that I keep looking for a text...Those moments of time that I want to scream from the roof tops - WHERE ARE YOU AND WHY AREN'T YOU HERE????? I said to another SOTH, that this 2nd year is the worst...I wish people would stop saying, "Oh that first year is so hard"....Shock is a marvelous thing until it wears off.....back to the 2nd year.....
Just been a very long week.....SIGH - Tomorrow I will be going to my happy place - the beach to rejuvenate. Melinda, my step-daughter is taking her dad to lunch @ the beach for his birthday and she also invited me . So as they spend some time together, I will be taking deep breaths and letting the waves soothe my soul. I talked to Hunter last night - he sounded good, happy - can't wait to see him....
I was asked if Lahti was someone new to my family - No, Lahti has been a member of our family for 5 years now....She is a sweetie and as you all know provides comfort like no-one else can.
Okay, I would love to just sit and talk, with my coffee, but I'm at work so the busier I get, the faster today will go.....Sending much love to you all - (((((hugs))))) Vicki
Just been a very long week.....SIGH - Tomorrow I will be going to my happy place - the beach to rejuvenate. Melinda, my step-daughter is taking her dad to lunch @ the beach for his birthday and she also invited me . So as they spend some time together, I will be taking deep breaths and letting the waves soothe my soul. I talked to Hunter last night - he sounded good, happy - can't wait to see him....
I was asked if Lahti was someone new to my family - No, Lahti has been a member of our family for 5 years now....She is a sweetie and as you all know provides comfort like no-one else can.
Okay, I would love to just sit and talk, with my coffee, but I'm at work so the busier I get, the faster today will go.....Sending much love to you all - (((((hugs))))) Vicki
Replies
All the years are so hard....I guess we just find ways to cope as time goes on.
I will walk under that dark cloud with you & I will bring an umbrella in case it rains.
Going to the beach sounds so comforting. I hope the time you spend there rejuvenates you a bit. I LOVE the ocean....feels so healing to me. I will be thinking about you this weekend Vicki.
April was 6 years for me, I still haven\'t come out from under the dark cloud of a one-two punch - angelversary and birthday. I know this too shall pass, just riding it out. The beach is my happy place too. Tight hugs and much love to you. Sue xo
This week has thrown me for a loop too. I found the 2nd year harder too as the reality set in. At this point in my journey life has become good again in many ways and for that I am grateful. But of course, we will miss our kids until we see them again. May next week be more gentle on your hurting heart. Enjoy your time at the beach. Love to you and Jennifer, Linda
Savor your beach time as I know you will dearest Vicki and breathe in the essence of your beautiful Jennifer and exhale any seeds of darkness that are present and just keep inhaling and exhaling. Oh, you are so right about the finality of the loss coming in with a vengeance in in that second year because the cocoon that has been wrapped around us must finally begin to fall away... I felt as if I was covered in pink, new skin that was so very tender and it took a lot of time before it began to grow to fit this new self I was trying to become acquainted with.
Sorry it has been one of those weeks and oh, how I know them all too well.
With you, understanding and sending lots of healing (((hugs))) and love.
XO Joanie
I was just reading today that spending time in nature lowers cortisol levels and something else. (I only remember half of what I read.) So happy you are taking time for you as being a school nurse is a tough job. Yes, the second year for me was horrible! The shock was over and the realization of permanence hit me hard!
That dark cloud is my constant companion also. Yes, I also find year 2 to be more devastating than the first year. You are on the right track to stay busy, my friend! Just one difficult day at a time..... Dealing with the everyday stuff while still dealing with all the details of your terrible loss! Huge big hug to you!! xxx
For sure shock is a gift during those first days, weeks, months...cause when \"reality REALLY\" sinks in.....we sink deeper. BUT, just as the shock did not last, the deep depression, overwhelming anxiety, constant 24/7 agony of losing Kala did not last. We are not created to live in that sort of misery forever....although it can certainly feel like forever!
You are doing your healing work. And it\'s the most exhausting, most challenging, hardest work you\'ll ever do. But you ARE doing it!! And your life will continue to evolve and you will find yourself living life more fully with each passing year. At least this is MY experience.
Never deny where you are in your journey! Whatever you need at any given time....gift yourself with it; whether it be a good cry, or a good laugh.
Enjoy your time on the beach to the fullest as this too is a gift you are giving your spirit. And I imagine a gift from Jennifer will become very apparent while you\'re there. Look for her with new eyes.....I promise you will find her!
For me when I get into one of those funcky moods my girlfriend will take me to the water be it the beach or the river. I then will sit quietly and let the wave of tears wash over me then the calm will come. I am so happy she can read me and take care of me. It is hard because no one else can see that or help me.
Sending rays of sunshine along with this hug ~ Penny
You are so right about the shock..I had not thought about it that way...I hope the beach will be a balm for open wounds. We all need that..mine is the lake. Praying for a reprieve from the stinging for you. Love, Lauri
Yes, the second year is the hard\'est for most of us. It was when I lost my husband and it was when I lost my son. The shock wears off and reality moves in. Reality is a BITCH!!
I walk under that black cloud daily!! I hope your visit to the beach soothes your soul !!!
I I think you just have to through all the grief and emptyness anger crying until it just starts slowley getting easier , Grief effect us all differant It all sucks I miss my daughter so much sometimes I feel like you come home where are you ? then i wonder when i die what will my daughter look like? the same? all I can say is how so sorry i,am you are going through all this I have been through the hard part so I know the depth of sorrow. don,t get it that bad no more but still have many sad days. Try to enjoy your self at the beach it is a horrible thing to go through. I wish I had some words to say to bring you some confort bless your angel big hug and love mary ann
You know, I heard it all in the beginning about year one or two. It is now year 8 for me. All I know is that both year one and two were equally hard and unique in each. Yes, I was in shock for some of year one. I think I did not struggle with acceptance until year two. It wasn\'t until year three that I could truly laugh again. I was just thinking this morning about how much has changed for me over the years and often ponder how it just does not hurt as much any more. But I realize that if I had hurt like I did during those first two years, I would not be living or helpful to anyone! Acceptance has always been a big key for me. And then learning to embrace it, forgive myself, let go of guilt and laugh again. Hugs, Belinda
I think the second year was so hard maybe because I had this idea that after the 1 year of traditional mourning... it would magically get easier... It didn\'t... matter of fact just as so many of the moms said above... it got harder... and there are still times now... 8 years plus when I struggle... I do believe now I am helped in my struggles by the knowledge that I\'ve done this and survived and even found Cara again and again in my memories... as I write... and share Cara stories... so I can see it as possible to live with the pain... while I look for joy in remembering and loving her... Hoping you\'ll be blessed with good memories of Jennifer today. Hugs Elissa
This week has thrown me for a loop too. I found the 2nd year harder too as the reality set in. At this point in my journey life has become good again in many ways and for that I am grateful. But of course, we will miss our kids until we see them again. May next week be more gentle on your hurting heart. Enjoy your time at the beach. Love to you and Jennifer, Linda
Sorry, my phone sent you the same entry again.
Hugs, Linda