FINALLY cried it out

I feel so much better. I have been needing a good cry for months now. I finally got my first period since October so I guess it kick started my hormones and when I heard "My Father's Eyes" I grabbed Sophia's teddy bear and just CRIED and CRIED into it. I feel like 10,000 lbs has been lifted off my shoulders. I love that song, it's crazy how I heard it a million times in my life but I never felt it until I learned that he wrote it for his son who died, like that line about "I'm like a bridge that was washed away, my foundations were made of clay" just reminds me about how much I have changed since I let go of my baby girl.
Everyday since she died I have told myself that nothing happens for a reason and that this is a lesson I have to learn, but I'm only now beginning to see what kind of path it has taken me on. The first few years after burying my child was me rebuilding myself, I didn't know who I was anymore and all my beliefs and trust and connections were broken so I had to dig around in the rubble and try to piece together a new life. Now I am finding my way back into my community and seeing how many other people need my help, (thank God I'm going to school for social work), and it feels right. I would give up my life in an instant if I could give my daughter back hers, but I can't, and how could I live with myself if I wasted my life when so many beautiful little babies never even get a chance to live theirs?!
My dad always said that when we're on earth we're chained here like prisoners, and when we die we are finally free. I know I have something else left to do here in my time on earth, but I cannot wait to see my little girl again. Being the mother of a dead child means no longer being afraid of death, (or anything else for that matter).