finally cried
I didn't cry yesterday on Sophia's 6 month bday. I just sucked it up and carried on. Today I got stressed out over a bunch of things and got mad at a few ppl and was being mean, and I just started crying. My best friend moved away yesterday, and I'll prbly never see her again. I just started thinking of how everything I love seems to always leave me. I can't take it anymore. God I love you so much Sophia. I miss you Honey, it's not fair that we can't be together because we belong together. You were a part of me, you ARE a part of me, and I'll never forget you. Never in my life have I seen someone so beautiful as you. Please help your mommy be strong.
I need you baby girl. None of this is right!!! It's not fair. I tried so hard to give her my love and help her survive and she still didn't make it. God help me.
I lost a total of 5 lbs this week. So yay on that!! Good things are still coming for me, but they all feel pointless and it's like my heart is so damaged that I can't feel as much joy as I once did. It's like I'm feeling all the "happiness" through a filter.
I need you baby girl. None of this is right!!! It's not fair. I tried so hard to give her my love and help her survive and she still didn't make it. God help me.
I lost a total of 5 lbs this week. So yay on that!! Good things are still coming for me, but they all feel pointless and it's like my heart is so damaged that I can't feel as much joy as I once did. It's like I'm feeling all the "happiness" through a filter.
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The Cord
We are connected,
My child and I, by
An invisible cord
Not seen by the eye.
It\'s not like the cord
That connects us \'til birth
This cord can\'t been seen
By any on Earth.
This cord does it\'s work
Right from the start.
It binds us together
Attached to my heart.
I know that it\'s there
Though no one can see
The invisible cord
From my child to me.
The strength of this cord
Is hard to describe.
It can\'t be destroyed
It can\'t be denied.
It\'s stronger than any cord
Man could create
It withstands the test
Can hold any weight.
And though you are gone,
Though you\'re not here with me,
The cord is still there
But no one can see.
It pulls at my heart
I am bruised...I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline
As never before.
I am thankful that God
Connects us this way
A mother and child
Death can\'t take it away!
Author Unknown
I love that poem... Tears come when we least expect them. Next week I will be celebrating what would have been Annaya\'s 7th month....
Hugs, Love & Rainbows!!!
Nneka