finally cried

I didn't cry yesterday on Sophia's 6 month bday. I just sucked it up and carried on. Today I got stressed out over a bunch of things and got mad at a few ppl and was being mean, and I just started crying. My best friend moved away yesterday, and I'll prbly never see her again. I just started thinking of how everything I love seems to always leave me. I can't take it anymore. God I love you so much Sophia. I miss you Honey, it's not fair that we can't be together because we belong together. You were a part of me, you ARE a part of me, and I'll never forget you. Never in my life have I seen someone so beautiful as you. Please help your mommy be strong.
I need you baby girl. None of this is right!!! It's not fair. I tried so hard to give her my love and help her survive and she still didn't make it. God help me.
I lost a total of 5 lbs  this week. So yay on that!! Good things are still coming for me, but they all feel pointless and it's like my heart is so damaged that I can't feel as much joy as I once did. It's like I'm feeling all the "happiness" through a filter.