Finally

So I finally got off my a&@ and called my insurance about a psychiatrist psychologist etc and was given a list of docs that take my coverage in my area. It only took 5 months but I have at least been to the back doctor and found a regular doctor. So baby steps I guess. Now all I have to do is call and see who has the earliest opening. I’m a little weary from all the things I’ve seen on TV. I know my father was overbearing and my mother was even keeled. Anyway i have some herniated discs so I see a pain management doctor for treatment and i went for my appointment and when he asked me how I was doing I had a panic attack right in his office. Crying, hyperventilating, the whole nine. He gave me Meds for it “ssri’s“ so I tried them out for a week and had to stop because I just didn’t feel right. I can’t really see him all the time since he’s out of network and costs $250 a visit. But I feel comfortable with him since I’ve been going there for a While. My primary doc wasn’t really interested in my mental state since I had not seen a regular doctor for a long time. Around 8 years since I left work with the back. I’m sure if I pushed the issue she would of been more helpful yet that’s not how it went down. I hope all these professionals can work something out for me cause I’m tired of the nonsense everyday. Everything is one step forward and two steps back. I’ve said it before I’m not looking for anything special like I don’t know money cars and stuff I just want to be left alone. Break even in a sense. Is it too much to ask the universe just to be normal. I’m a nice guy. I don’t drink do drugs run around. I raised my son alone since 05. Again not looking for any rewards that’s life but damn can bad things just stop happening all the time. I know some of it is my fault, putting things off not to have to deal with them when I’m going to have to eventually. Some people say I’m lazy and sure to a point, but they don’t know how hard it is just to get out of bed in the morning. By the time I get a coffee I feel like I’ve been going for hours and it’s barely been 30min. I would like to thank everyone here who has said a kind word or gave some advice. Also if you haven’t and I read your post that looking at your situation gave me a better understanding of my situation.