Final days...

I have an appointment today with my therapist that I will cancel. He can't tell me anymore than he already has; nor will I have anything new to tell him. Same shit, different week - hi's/lows. The lows are sinking lower towards suicide. He will tell me to check-in to the psych ward which I will reply that it ain't happenin'...At this point I don't want to be saved.
My next low may be my last. I have a gun and already decided to drive to a remote place, walk in the woods, point the barrel towards my right side and blow my temple to kingdom come; I'll die the way I lived my remaining days...alone and isolated! It's no longer a matter of if, only when...