Final day prior to telling the kids....
The wife and I had a civil chat last night about telling the kids this weekend. Suppose to Saturday afternoon. We have been married for15 years and have a 9 and 11 year old. We have been roommates for a long time now. We have basically stayed together for the sake of the kids. We have not been intimiate in many years and I cannot recall the last time either of us said the L word or kissed the other person. At no point in the last few weeks has the wife came to me from her side and said I want to go to counseling and save this marriage. I am sure she is no longer in love with me just like I am really no longer in love with her like a married person. With knowing the conversation is suppose to take place tomorrow I am wondering if its normal (and has anyone else experienced this) where you now start to wonder are you giving up and should you say lets try it one more tme, lets try to go get counseling one more time. Even though emotionally you have tried this in the past with no real change. I assume this may just be a natural feeling for any couple knowing they are at the final stage of separating and feel this "dont want to give up" feeling even though the last 4 or 5 years nothing has changed and the course is the same. I guess its still this sort of parental instince kicking in that you want to do whatever you can to protect your kids from pain.
Replies
It is normal to have doubts, and with an emotionally charged event such as telling the kids making all finally \"real\", those doubts will surface. Even though you have been roommates for a long time, you\'ve also been a family and you have certain identities as such. This action will change that. e.g. Role as husband. There will be a sense of loss, and also the loss of what is familiar, even though you know it is not right for you. I wish the best for you and your family, and I hope your transition brings much love and joy into your loves in the future.
You have gone through a long, long process. I think it is natural what you are feeling. Of course you are feeling like you\'re letting your kids down and disappointing them. Obviously though that is not the case as the both of you seem to be very kid focused and doing what you need to do to ease them into this and be supportive. Remember, a big factor for the kids is to see how the two of you handle this. As I approached the day of telling, there was a part of me that was hoping my stbx would say \"let\'s give it another chance. I\'ve seen the changes you made and I think we can build on that.\" Prayers, hugs, fingers crossed, knocking on wood, and whatever else for you.
Thanks for the kind supported words. I figured this was just a natural feeling but wanted to get it off my chest. I know its just a parent wanting to protect their kids. And if the wife wanted to save this marriage because she wants to be with ME (and not to just do this for the sake of the kids) then she would of said something by now. In my opinion. I guess its also like what a good friend of mine told me this morning....their has to be at least a flicker of love to want to save the marriage.