Final Day 1 :) 12/13/12

Good evening everyone! Well I think I definately found the right place to be for this journey. If there were certain things I needed to hear, I heard it right here today! I thought about it today in depth. The answer I came up with was that I feel guilty and have a deep pride and anger that I have given so much time, effort, and money into this stupid addiction that I have continously tried to break even to justify my losses and time. The advice and replies I received today were much needed. It was a perfect mixture of tough love and understanding which is needed always. Everyone has their OWN journey through this addition, we are all here to support one another to the best of our own abilities. We are all here for the same reason and looking for the same outcome, it may be easier or harder for certain people, but that can always change as life will brings its untimely lemons. This is why this is such a great community and so happy to find it. This relapse was much different than my 100's of others...I was not angry at myself or emotional. If anything I realized I am a compulsive gambler and that I lost money for no reason and felt more happy that I lost than if I would have won...which brings up the self affliciting pain theory. I may be one that likes to put myself in a bad position in order for me to find a way out of it...THAT CHANGES IMMEDIATELY. Upon my thinking today, I felt like this was the last straw, what people said today is going to give me that push. I am going to keep a track of everything--what I am feeling, triggors, and update my budget to make it so I dont have access to "unallocated monies". I am also going to be full committed to everyone one of you. I am going to be there for all of you during a time of weakness. I will be adding my thoughts and encouragement often, hopefully the positive energy here will give me momentum for more in my life such as working out more, helping others with financial advice, and just living my life WITHOUT even thinking of gambling. I am tired of gambling running me and making me have to keep it in my mind. I will be working hard to fix myself and be a happy and positive person going forward.. sorry for the rambling...sometimes I right half thoughts when I need to get things out of my mind quickly. Thank you again EVERYONE for all the support, it will be returned to each and every one of you going forward.