Figuring this all out... the beginning of my journey
I plan to make a website soon to blog my journey. In the meantime, I will blog it here. I just realized this today and with a little research, hard thinking, and talking to family and friends.... I think I just figured something out. I may jump around here a little but will do my best to keep on track. To begin, just recently I was diagnosed with severe Graves disease after being hospitalized for a thyroid storm. I did research, talk to others, went thru my medical history, my parents medical history, and asked a lot of questions to my doctors trying to put together how this happened.... and how it went undiagnosed. Here's my take on it. All my life I always had issues trying to gain weight.... my metabolism was always high. In high school, I would drink weight gainer shakes just to MAINTAIN my weight.... after graduating high school, I would work out religiously in the gym. During that time, I still was not able to gain weight and in addition to weight gainer shakes, I was also drinking different protein shakes to try to gain weight. Finally, at 23, I got pregnant with my first daughter. I gained a whopping 70 pounds and was so happy to have all the weight. Crazy, huh? After my daughter was born, I went thru what I believed and was told "postpartum depression" and ended up getting a divorce. My hormones were all over the place. I lost 40 pounds within the first 6 months of my birth. and then struggled for 2 more years to lose the rest of the weight. I believe now that I had "postpartum thyroiditis". Typical case, I probably went hyper for a couple months during which time I lost the 40 pounds and then went hypo, during which I couldn't lose the weight. Going on..... 8 years later..... I got pregnant again with my youngest daughter. During this pregnancy, I only gained 30 pounds. I was a high risk pregnancy. During this pregnancy I had a cat scan with an iodine contrast for something unrelated to my thyroid. I was told that I was okay after this. After the birth of my youngest daughter (10 months ago), I thought I had breezed past the postpartum depression and since I was older, I was more mature. OR so I thought. Here's what I think really happen.... In looking back at pictures taken of me, I noticed that the goiter I have has been around since about 2 or 3 months after I had my youngest daughter (so about January). No one ever noticed.... not myself, not my older daughter, my parents, friends, or anyone. I think it was because I had the weight on from my pregnancy and so it wasn't as noticeable. As the months went by, I lost the weight and looking at my pictures, it became more and more noticeable. However, no one still noticed. I blamed my mood swings, anxiety, hot flashes, and everything else you can think of on postpartum blues..... however, all the while, my thyroid was hyper. Go figure. It's normal or typical for someone to have postpartum thyroiditis and have it go undiagnosed and then 1 to 8 years later, develop a goiter... That's me!!! Now, no one noticed my goiter until one day I was at work talking about my awful experience the night before. I was at dinner with family and friends and choked on a piece of steak. One of my coworkers was looking at my neck and asked what was wrong with my neck.... upon touching it, I realized I had a lump in my neck. I immediately thought the worse. That night, I went to the ER thinking my throat was damaged from choking. They missed the goiter and said my throat was just inflammed. So, for the next two weeks, I ate a liquid diet (soups, milkshakes, ensure, all foods full of iodine). In those two weeks before the Thyroid storm, I lost 15 pounds and just attributed it to not eating normal solid foods. The day before the storm, I choked AGAIN. This time it wasn't as traumatizing but I went to the ER to be sure it had passed. Upon examing me, the ER doctor was concerned about his lump in my throat so he ordered an ultrasound and bloodwork. Immediately following my ultrasound, he ordered a cat scan with an iodine contrast. Upon my discharge from the ER that night, he told me I had several nodules on my thyroid and to follow up with my doctor for a biopsy. He said to return if I ran a fever. and Off I went to my home. The next day, I felt a little sick..... out of it.... but that was always normal for me after getting an iodine contrast. Ever since I was in my twenties, every time I had any testing with an iodine contrast, it would take me a day or two to recover from it. (It makes sense now). Well, that night.... August 23..... I was abrupty woken out of my sleep by a choking sensation and couldn't breathe. Once I could breathe, I was able to call someone to take me to the ER. My anxiety was thru the roof but I was calm as I was scared. In the ER, my vitals were good upon check in. Two minutes later, this choking sensation and not being able to breathe came over me again. From there, I was taken into the ER, pumped with drugs, and the rest was a blur. The next day, I was in ICU and told I had a thyroid storm..... I believe that the cat scan with the iodine contrast caused me to have the thyroid storm..... and so my journey has begun. I am now on PTU and a betablocker and have been diagnosed with a severe case of Graves.
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One year ago- almost- on August 23... my entire life changed in an
instant- LITERALLY. And this is when I knew that life was short and
tomorrow is never promised. I got a second chance and it wasn\'t my
time to go. In short, I survived a thyroid storm that the doctors\'
said I was lucky to have been alive. And in an instant, I went from
eating everything and anything under the sun, snacking all the time,
eating out, eating on the go, drinking dr peppers like I could never
get enough and alternating with Coca cola in between... driving thru
starbucks all day, every day to get a cafe mocha with 2% milk and whip
cream on ice or a vanilla iced latte... and craving chocolate every
minute of the day... I absolutely could not see life without
CHOCOLATE... it was not worth living without it.... LOL.... and in
that instant.... I had to give up everything I loved and knew in MY
life and changed my lifestyle so that I could see tomorrow... I
couldn\'t eat solids for almost 6 months... I lived off of ensure
shakes and strained soup for the first month, then graduated to
strained soup and mash potatoes and orange juice for about 3 months
and then moved on to being able to eat foods blended in the food
processor and was still limited to the what I could actually put in my
body. I gave up salt, caffeine, and chocolate.... those were three
MUST HAVES for me to live prior to that day. I didn\'t walk for the
first month and half after I got out of the hospital due to being so
weak, my friend, Jackie, washed my hair for me daily, and Meka\'la sat
in the bathroom with me every time I had to go. My mom took off from
work to watch after Taylin and my close friend, JJ, rearranged his
life to help me.... It was a life altering incident.... I stopped
working, stopped with the partying, even simple things like grocery
shopping were impossible for the first 6 weeks or so... and I learned
to appreciate everything around me. I was thankful for everyone and
everything I had in my life. I learned to forgive and let go of
grudges as I couldn\'t heal if I didn\'t. Forgiveness is for one\'s own
soul. I learned to be more patient, not be so judgemental, and to let
the little things go that won\'t matter tomorrow.
I was blessed to have one of the top 10 endocrinologists in my town
and he was MY endo. He had a personal connection to me due to knowing
my boss at the pharmacy where I worked at the time. I was told that I
would need radioactive iodine to ablate my thyroid and that was the
only way i\'d have a normal life again but I\'d have to wait 3 months to
start it.... at that time 3 months seemed like eternity but really it
was a blessing in disguise. I joined a support group and learned
different avenues to handle my disease. I was diagnosed with Graves
disease. By researching and taking bits and pieces of information from
each person that crossed my path, I incorporated that into my own
life. By 3 months time, I had made a remarkable recovery according to
my endo and I opted to stay on medications instead of Radioactive
iodine and said I\'d try for remission.... and he allowed me to. As the
months passed, I got better... I\'d go up and down.... I had one
relapse in January that set me back due to my grandmother\'s death...
so it was expected. I had a bump in the road in April when I was
admitted to the hospital again due to a surge from my thyroid... this
was a hard thing to believe that I was going to achieve remission and
was starting to lose hope. Every day, I would wake up and pray that
God gives me the strength to take care of the girls and go about my
day without an incidence... and God answered my prayers as I was able
to keep out of the hospital and ER since April- so far. Prior to my
thyroid storm, I believed in a higher being but surviving that truly
in deed showed me that God is real and always with us.
TODAY- 3 weeks before the one year anniversary of my second chance at
life... I am possibly in REMISSION. I was told this would be
impossible to achieve in less than 2 years time especially since I had
a thyroid storm. But with Prayer, belief, strength within, support,
and persistance with my diet, my doctor, my family, and friends... I
have achieved the impossible.
I\'ve always heard the expression \"tears of joy\" but never understood
it until now. I fully understand how one can cry tears of joy.
REMISSION and SURVIVOR are words some of us want in our vocabulary.
Life is full of all kinds of distractions and obstacles... take each
one as a learning bridge and keep pushing forward. Life is a gift.
Sometimes, one has to endure the bad to enjoy the good.
I am unable to put into words how much I appreciate my friends, my
family, my doctors, and my support group for the love and support I
have received since this journey began.
My journey isn\'t over as there is a high incidence of relapse even
after achieving remission. There\'s no cure for Graves disease... it\'s
a lifestyle change. But a new journey begins as I take my steps thru
remission.
So, with that, THANK YOU to those who stood beside me whether it was
for only a moment, a few minutes, hours, months, or the last year....
I love you.
This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when
sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your
lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for
your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that
you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know
yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.