Fighting for My Life -- Part One
Monday, September 6, 2010 - 8:10 PM
(A lot of things in my life are starting to get to me. I have become very frustrated recently, and I have little desire to do much of anything other than to sleep whenever possible. When I go to bed at night, there are times when I almost hope that I never wake up again. I feel as though I am fighting for my life right now. So, I am going to use the next few journal entries to try and explain much of what is going on in my life now. I don't know what to do other than to write about this. The one positive thing I can still do is to write.)
I am having lots of aches and pains. They go from one end of my body to the other. The only time I get any kind of relief is when I take some pain medication or go to sleep. I am tired of living this way. My days and nights have become filled with unwanted, but necessary, visits from an assortment of nurses and CNA's. From the time I get up in the morning until I go to bed at night I barely have much time to myself
These visitors come to work with me beginning at 8 AM. That is when I am supposed to get up every day. After they are finished with me, they leave within 45 to 60 minutes. Somewhere between 11:30 and noon, they arrive again to place me in bed for an hour, so that I can get some relief from the pressure that is placed against my spine from sitting in a wheelchair. In addition to my resting, my CNA's give me some passive therapy, whereby they do most of the work, and I am supposed to reap the benefits.
After they leave at 1 PM, I have about three hours to myself before the next wave strikes. Around 4 PM, my personal care provider comes to prepare my dinner and do whatever housekeeping is necessary. She usually stays here until somewhere between 5:30 and six. If she finishes earlier than that, she's free to leave even though she is reluctant to do so.
Once she has departed, I have around three hours to myself. Big deal! By then it is time for me to go to bed. The nighttime CNA's usually finish with me within an hour or less. Once they have left (at 10 or 10:30), I am free to do whatever I want. Since I am unable to get out of bed by myself, that does not leave me a whole lot of choice other than to watch TV until I feel the effects of the medicine that I take to help me get to sleep.
The swelling and the black and blue discoloration in my foot, which were caused by the fracture to it, have decreased in recent days. The pain remains, but at least it does not look quite so ugly.
In addition to that problem, I have now begun having pain in my right knee, as well as in my neck and shoulders. I am now wearing an ace bandage around my knee during the day, but it is removed at bedtime. I have some type of lotion to put on the knee morning and night in order to alleviate the pain. It helps some, but the pain medication helps even more.
Nothing was prescribed for the pain in my neck and shoulders, so I decided to treat that on my own. I decided to use an over-the-counter medication known as Icy Hot. My nurse was not entirely happy with that decision. She wanted me to call my doctor and get his permission to use it. I said that since the medication did not require a prescription to use, that I was not going to worry about it, but if it still bothered her, she could call my doctor herself. I never heard another word out of her about that.
I now have another complication with my right foot. It has also cropped up into my left foot as well. Both of my heels have broken out in sores, which have become quite painful. My feet and legs are both wrapped up each day in tube grip stockings, which run from my toes up to my thighs. That is supposed to help the blood circulation. Because of the swelling in both feet, I am not supposed to wear shoes for the time being. As a result of these new sores, folded towels are now placed under each foot to act as protection while I am in my wheelchair. I am beginning to feel like a mummy, and that is not a good way to be.
(A lot of things in my life are starting to get to me. I have become very frustrated recently, and I have little desire to do much of anything other than to sleep whenever possible. When I go to bed at night, there are times when I almost hope that I never wake up again. I feel as though I am fighting for my life right now. So, I am going to use the next few journal entries to try and explain much of what is going on in my life now. I don't know what to do other than to write about this. The one positive thing I can still do is to write.)
I am having lots of aches and pains. They go from one end of my body to the other. The only time I get any kind of relief is when I take some pain medication or go to sleep. I am tired of living this way. My days and nights have become filled with unwanted, but necessary, visits from an assortment of nurses and CNA's. From the time I get up in the morning until I go to bed at night I barely have much time to myself
These visitors come to work with me beginning at 8 AM. That is when I am supposed to get up every day. After they are finished with me, they leave within 45 to 60 minutes. Somewhere between 11:30 and noon, they arrive again to place me in bed for an hour, so that I can get some relief from the pressure that is placed against my spine from sitting in a wheelchair. In addition to my resting, my CNA's give me some passive therapy, whereby they do most of the work, and I am supposed to reap the benefits.
After they leave at 1 PM, I have about three hours to myself before the next wave strikes. Around 4 PM, my personal care provider comes to prepare my dinner and do whatever housekeeping is necessary. She usually stays here until somewhere between 5:30 and six. If she finishes earlier than that, she's free to leave even though she is reluctant to do so.
Once she has departed, I have around three hours to myself. Big deal! By then it is time for me to go to bed. The nighttime CNA's usually finish with me within an hour or less. Once they have left (at 10 or 10:30), I am free to do whatever I want. Since I am unable to get out of bed by myself, that does not leave me a whole lot of choice other than to watch TV until I feel the effects of the medicine that I take to help me get to sleep.
The swelling and the black and blue discoloration in my foot, which were caused by the fracture to it, have decreased in recent days. The pain remains, but at least it does not look quite so ugly.
In addition to that problem, I have now begun having pain in my right knee, as well as in my neck and shoulders. I am now wearing an ace bandage around my knee during the day, but it is removed at bedtime. I have some type of lotion to put on the knee morning and night in order to alleviate the pain. It helps some, but the pain medication helps even more.
Nothing was prescribed for the pain in my neck and shoulders, so I decided to treat that on my own. I decided to use an over-the-counter medication known as Icy Hot. My nurse was not entirely happy with that decision. She wanted me to call my doctor and get his permission to use it. I said that since the medication did not require a prescription to use, that I was not going to worry about it, but if it still bothered her, she could call my doctor herself. I never heard another word out of her about that.
I now have another complication with my right foot. It has also cropped up into my left foot as well. Both of my heels have broken out in sores, which have become quite painful. My feet and legs are both wrapped up each day in tube grip stockings, which run from my toes up to my thighs. That is supposed to help the blood circulation. Because of the swelling in both feet, I am not supposed to wear shoes for the time being. As a result of these new sores, folded towels are now placed under each foot to act as protection while I am in my wheelchair. I am beginning to feel like a mummy, and that is not a good way to be.
Replies
Hi Jim Glad you wrote to tell us how things are with you. BOY. you certainly have been THROUGH IT. I know these caregivers are a PAIN when you have to have them come into your home. I torn my hanstring and my ankle in my good leg a few years back,I had to have a PT and home health aid for a short while. I am a private person and didn\'t like them in my home much, I use a walker some of the time now because of the accident. I HATE IT. I walked independantly for 40 years.Before my torn hamstring. Look at it this way at least you have some company and people to care for you.Sometimes all we can do is be thankful for what we have at the moment. Hang in there. Many hugs-Stephanie
Jeepers. You need alone time, but really can\'t have it.......
I\'m with you. And proud of you for not giving up.
Hugs and Mojo
Weebs
Thanks for the update. Sending some healing vibes your way. Inspired by your not giving up. More Hugs and MOJO.
wow, you really have so much to deal with, I can understand why you have called this entry fighting for your life. I wish I could offer something helpful and inspirational, I am glad you are writing again, I agree that it does help some, to know that others are sorta there with you in spirit if not in flesh.
You are an inspiration.
You are an inspiration.