Fibromyalgia

I'm trying to get the "old me" back. The woman who used to have fun with her fiance and friends; who used to keep her home neat and tidy; exercised and was healthy. 

But this process wil be done in baby steps. 

I used to think I was just crazy. It was all in my head. So much money was spent on doctors to find out "what's wrong" and to "cure" me. Some gave me answers and some told me there was nothing wrong with me. I even went to a psychologist who specialized in pain and truly wanted an answer for my pain to be psychosomatic. Just so I could figure out how to get better, again. That turned out to be an expensive appointment with an answer of "No, it's not in your head and there is something mechanical causing your pain. It is degenerative so it will get worse and you will most likely need opioid meds for the rest of your life."

I thought the pain and anxiety was what caused my exhaustion. Maybe it's the meds or depression. I didn't want to believe Fibromyalgia is real. I've always viewed it as an inflammation of the nerves without a known cause. Maybe that's what it is.

I don't care what it may be now. All I know is that I do have chronic pain. I'm completely exhausted. I've decided to give in and call it Fibromyalgia. I push through the pain and exhaustion because I want to be proud of what I do at work. I've prioritized work over everything else in my life, because I have to choose what I want to spend my energy on. Now my overall health, home and private life have been affected.

There are people who I know that have an illness that is viewed, especially by me, as way worse than whatever I have. They're healthier and more successful than I am. An amount of envy is there about that - how do they do it? 

THIS WILL CHANGE.