FELT LIKE WRITTING, MAYBE IT WILL HELP!

Learning how to cope year to year, does get easier...It is weird, I noticed the longer Ryan is gone, the sadness "automatically" lingers there in my soul, even when I don't know why at first...It is like my Soul knows the reason why the sadness creeps in..The soul knows before my conscious mind does..I remember the words said from this elderly man, Walter, "When The Pain Gets Bad Enough, You Will Do Something About It". These little seeds planted inside me, wasn't said to me by mistake. This is a example, of how we grow stronger, HaHA. The word STRONGER was a hard one at the beginning, I could not understand people saying, it makes us stronger..I guess the seed is planted and it grows stronger in our soul.. These are the tools, I use, as time goes on... I can't let myself get caught up in all the tiredness that goes along with the loss and thoughts, of living the rest of my life without Ryan..This is a whole different part of the process that I hate.. Its gotten to the point I don't want to do the holidays, or any other event anymore, we can't help it, its always gonna be there.. if we can only roll over it, huummmmmm.. Then I feel guilty, so the gut wrenching feeling are still there..I think we need to get to the point and say to ourselves,"Do we want to continue these same aweful sadness feelings, through every occasion?.. OR... Turn our thinking around and learn how to make our mines teach Love... Like our sweet leader Barbara's motto is, "Teach Love"... I now can see how she got thinking in those terms.. Barbara had been fighting breast cancer for 10 or more years, she went through more emotions and pain,.. She didn;t want to use up anymore of her energy then she did, SO in order for Barbara to keep on moving, is to "TEACH LOVE".. When we feel LOVE the ENERGY that LOVE gives us, a positive burst of Energy... Barbara told me, there were soooo many times she wanted to give up and give in to the Cancer, cooties she called it. Barbara said she felt the push God was giving her.. "She, Barbara, instantly knew this was what her purpose in life was..She kept on going for the Grace of God... God kept her going an extra 5 years, Barbara knew God gave her the gift of starting this ForMomsOnly Group, to carry on her legency, for Moms, to help support us hurting moms, and to teach love through the loss of her gorgeous son Evan, along with all of our Sons/Daughters,,, "Our Angels, Ohhhh, All our Sweet Angels...



I miss our Sweet Angel Barbara, our leader, the best spiritual teacher I ever had, its all that matters is LOVE... I'm so grateful I got to meet her...I just wish I got to spend more time with this women, who gave all us Moms this gift to carry on, helping one another, spreading LOVE everywhere..The thing is, I never used computers until I found this group.. I was so depressed when I happen to stummble into, dailystrength.com, which lead me to FMO.. I did not find this group, until 2 1/2 years after, our founder Barbara started this group..I was in despair, and desperate, to learn how to type in the Question, "How to deal with the loss of a adult child, from a accidential drug overdose". For the grace of God, I typed it with one finger at a time...and still do one finger at a time..lol. I think its b/c I'm using my laptop..lol.. plus it took me forever, to learn myself around the DS Website...So as crazy as I am it took me along time to figure out how to work with Daily Strength, DS..then get to know FMO was seperate, ForMomsOnly....a group of women who had lost a Child.. I felt sooooo terrible not knowing the first not realizing how to use FMO, so therefore I basically didn't get to know Barbara, up until a year and a half ago or so...I thank my lucky stars, twice, when I count her in, lol.. I am soooooooooooo Glaaaaaad, I got to meet Barbara...

I believe God puts People in our lives when we need them, ABSOLUTLY I AM A BELIEVER!!