feels like yesterday

So I spend the day reliving mom's last day with us and i was a mess. My three year old consoling me saying "it's ok mama"..... I hope he doesn't remember me sad all the time. It will be a year on Thursday, but she died on Tuesday last year and I could just feel the pain in my chest and all I kept thinking is that I should be honoring her with smiles and good feelings and I am just sad and alone. My husband is trying so hard to be here and to talk to me but I just can't  get out all my feelings. I am not sure why.... Well, my kids have 1/2 days today, tomorrow and friday, so I will be quite busy with them to get lost in my thoughts. Tomorrow iwll be difficult I am sure, going to her mass and then to the cemetary with whoever shows up.  I am going to try and have a good day today.... its' all I can do for now. I hope everyone is doing OK, sorry I am such a downer but I figure this is where I can be open the most. Thank you for your support! have a great day!!