Feels like I\'m out of options

i'm so upset and overwhelmed and frustrated right now.  I'm soooo tired of dealing with this stuff, mostly the mental health stuff but the physcial health stuff too.  I feel like I am running out of options in the area that I live...and even in this country...yes that means all of Canada...though I don't know because i haven't gotten that far in research.  It doesn't seems like there is any good therapy programs for people like me and I know medication isn't the complete answer.  Besides that, half the ones that are now recommened for people that have borderline personality disorder (which i'm not even 100% convinced is what I have after doing more research) can cause lupus-like syndroms/conditions which i'm already dealing with and trying to get to the bottom of.  So I can't use medications that can complicate this...which is a good half of them.  Some of the ones that are shown to be the most promising.  I'm so tired of the treatment I get because of this label of borderline and the self harm and overdoses i keep doing to myself.  I'm tired of the frequent hospitalizations and feel like I'm getting worse not better.  I really don't know what to do.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I'm willing to go out of the area I live in if my provincial insurance will cover it...but I haven't found anywhere to go.  I just want to get better and live my life healthily and free from all this crap that holds me back.  I just want to be like most people my age, working, mostly happy, settling down with husbands and children, and just overall being a productive member of society. I can't stop crying when I write this because that's what I want so bad...and I'm afraid my sobbing is going to wake up my roommate.  I can't fall asleep...I'm so wound up right now and upset.  I want to get better but at same time I don't know how much more of this I can take.  I really don't see a lot of hope at this point.  I want to...but I don't.  I just have to be honest.  I just want to find out that there is some sort of treatment that will help...not something i have to wait until I'm more stable to take part in...not something that makes me feel like i'm a horrible human being or some kind of crazed monster.  I don't know anymore what's from what.  I'm hurting so bad right now, physically I just hurt from all this crap in my head and it just feels like there's no positive solution(s) out there.  I don't know what to do.  I don't know how long I can go on like this.