Feelng Grumpy

I shared with my husband today why it is especially hard for me to deal with the crises our stepson creates due to his mental illness and addiction, since my entire childhood was overshadowed by a mentally ill, abusive mother and a gambler father who put me in harms way.  My life was FULL of crises, one of which was losing a dear older cousin to suicide when I was thirteen.  He was one of the few people in my young life who honored who I was separate from the craziness of my mother.  I had a therapy session today where I was processing more of these issues and shared how resolving these issues from childhood are so relevant and important to helping me deal with our stepson (as well as my elderly mother) in the here and now.  I have made a lot of progress but I am still sensitive to the unavoidable situations our stepson creates, because, I really know how it feels to be dealing with scary situations and loved ones who suddenly die. 
I don't know what I thought would happen by sharing this with my husband...I guess I thought he could hear me and not get his own issues all wrapped up in it, but that was, as he put it, "unrealistic of me."  We can't talk about his son (he never says "our son" and that hurt especially since I am the one who has rescued 'his son' many times) without it being about my husband's boundaries and what he is able to do.  My needs or suggestions seem to be "intrusive" other than what he feels he can give even when I am not telling him what to do.  Objectively, I understand that is reasonable; no one should be made to give to another what they cannot.
I also honor that my husband has to do what he needs to do, and, is doing the best he can in this truly awful situation.  We have a mentally ill young adult with a long history of substance abuse.  An epiphany could occur but likely, it will just be what I call 'The Life'...a journey where I/we figure out how to maintain balance, emotional health and perspective in response to this young man's illnesses and choices.
The impact of an addict family member on everyone beyond the obvious is just impossible to avoid.  I wonder if any two people in a relationship can ever really be on the same page about it?  Or maybe they can in moments, as sometimes my husband and I truly are.  Today was just not one of them.