Feelings of Guilt

Thursday, September 11, 2008 – 3:40 P.M.   When I woke up this morning, I was feeling good physically, with the exception of a mild cold. On the mental front, I can actually feel my depression worsening, which is not good for anyone.   This was pool day for me. I was not excited about going to the clinic. An extra therapist was required to help me get undressed, and then put me on a chair that is connected to a hydraulic left, which swings over the water. The lift slowly put me into the pool.   At that point, a flotation device was fastened around my lower back. Then the therapists began stretching and bending my legs, while I worked on mobilizing my arms and hands. I was in the pool about 20 minutes.   The main problem I have with all of this is that I feel as though I am a “burden” on whoever works with me. That does not set too well on my conscience. It makes feel guilty. I suspect these feelings came from what I was taught in my childhood. Every time I need some to help me physically, along comes the guilt.   I do not know what to do about this. Each time I think about using the pool, I start getting the feeling that I should just call it quits. Added to this is the fact that I only have one pool session remaining unless my doctor prescribes more. I have some conflicting emotions about this. If it is helping me, I do not want it to stop, but at the same time, I do not know how much longer I can keep going feeling that I am a burden.   Inspirational Quote: "You have to go through the falling down in order to learn to walk. It helps to know that you can survive it. That's an education in itself." -- Carol Burnett