Feelings and friends
I am still extremely unstable and pdoc is quite concerned. I basically feel dead and empty inside. Still thinking of trying to overdose again. I talked about going inpatient again but pdoc feels I’ll get more rest at home. They have added meds and upped meds which keep me pretty much out of it…I’m in a dazed fog and literally have terrible memory. It is frustrating my kids. They won’t let me be alone for long and I don’t blame them, and feel like a terrible mom to wish to be dead.
I have thought for a long time and I’m going to be deleting a lot of friends. Most of my friends I only hear from when I send them a hug or post to their journals. I only had three friends be concerned when I attempted overdosing twice. I just don’t have what it takes to keep up with so many friends. I’ve been thinking about closing this profile and opening a new one.
I’m sorry if this upsets anyone and if you read this journal and don’t want to be deleted, send me a hug so I know.
I have thought for a long time and I’m going to be deleting a lot of friends. Most of my friends I only hear from when I send them a hug or post to their journals. I only had three friends be concerned when I attempted overdosing twice. I just don’t have what it takes to keep up with so many friends. I’ve been thinking about closing this profile and opening a new one.
I’m sorry if this upsets anyone and if you read this journal and don’t want to be deleted, send me a hug so I know.
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IT REMINDS ME OF \'ME\'\' SITTING IN THAT BENCH ,PLANNING THE ROUTE I WAS GOING TO TAKE AND JUST INTO THE RIVER THAT WOULD GIVE ME ME, BUT THE VOICE FROM NOWHWERE SAID\'\' WHAT IF SOMEONE JUMPS TO RESCUE YOU AND DIE\'\' I SAID LOUD \'NO\' I DON\'T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN, AND I WALKED HOME, IT WAS \'THE LORD\'\' THAT SPOKE TO ME, NO ONE WAS THERE, I WAS ALONE, HELP CAME BY PRAYER AND PRAYER, READING THE SCRIPTURES , REMEMBERING MY GRANDMOTHER HOW SHE TRUSTED \'THE LORD\'\' WITH HER LIFE DAY BY DAY, AND THEN I LEARNED OF HIM, IN TIME , IT TOOK TIME ,HE MADE ME KNEW, AND THE DEPRESSION LEFT, AND I LIVE TODAY BECAUSE HE SPOKE TO ME, I WAS JUST LIKE YOU, EVIL WANTS US DEAD, THE LORD GIVES US LIFE, TO SEE OUR CHILDREN GROW UP, GET MARRIED, AND FOR US TO GROW OLD, I AM 57 NOW, AND I SAW MY ONLY CHILD GET MARRIED, AND I PRAY THAT ONE DAY I WILL SEE MY GRANCHILDREN CAME INTO THIS WORLD AND GROW UP, EVEN IN THE MIST OF EVIL THERE IS THE \'LIGHT OF GOD\'\', IF I CAN HELP YOU I AM HERE, MY PRAYER IS \'\'LORD HAVE MERCY AND SPEAK TO THIS CHILD IN HER DARKNESS AND SHOW HER THE LIGHT , SAVE HER FROM THE EVIL ON , IN JESUS NAME I PRAY, LOVE LUCY...
I NEED TO WASH MY FACE, I AM CRYING FOR ME AND FOR YOU***
Thank you Joyholy!