Feelings and Emotions?

What are tears, oh yeh, those wet clear things that come out of ones eyes when hurt, sad, just can't take it any more being with out him, but then he says does crying help, come to think of it, yes, and no, its not going to change any thing, its not going to bring him home, maybe thats why I have this brick wall up, cold as the bricks at time, he does not like it when I cry, when I laugh, when I'm angry he just gets angrier, is like a dam ever ready battery, won't shut the hell up, last night was just one of those nights, if I don't laugh at him, then I'll cry, and he makes it out as if I should have this heart made of stone. Sometimes I get so sick of his grissly bear attitude, he is sippose to call tonight, whoopie-do-da-day we are not going to make it much longer. Then the good friend will say stupid shit as,"ITS ONLY A FEELING", you will get over it. They have made me so hard core inside, I'm rambling way to much. I don't know if I am coming back to DS, one is cause of internet connection, one is because I never have privacy, yes, I'm getting my own room ,picture this, then the boys will be pounding on my door to get in, their never home, thank goodness only the youngest is here, the oldest went to his Godparents, AMEN! She went to look at furniture, big deal, I can't get myself any thing, and I don't want to be near them,,,,I'm so full of anger, tired, and disgusted, I can't even really cry any more, for what "TEARS WILL NOT CHANGE ANY THING"! Computer should be going down on 03/01/2008.................                                                                                     Lynn