feeling worthless
Have been feeling this way for quite sometime now,mostly it concerns guilt,which tends to haunt me at every opportunity.I guess it stems from a religious upbringing which although has kept me in good stead in some respects,it does tend to add to my problems.I even feel guilty writing this.........But....it has to be said that maybe its the way I approach things and my paranoia that is hampering my progress in many areas.Just wish I could be more together as a person,able to cope with all lifes conflicts and not get so bogged down with what is expected of me.Im exhausted mentally and think this must be what a mental breakdown feels like but have heard there is no such thing....Since haing lost quite alot of weight I have noticed my personality has changed a bit,maybe thats it.....I cant cope with criticism or rejection and do not trust anyone as often get let down by people,no mkatter how good they seem at first.Ive sacrificed alot of my young days to looking after others,never thinking that I deserve a life of happiness as Im sure I dont deserve it.now I feel unfulfilled and lost saddled with diabetes and complications that go with it,only bad days ahead of ill health to look forward to......Sorry if this all sounds self centered as I well know there are others far worse off than me....but there it is warts and all as they say....
Replies
Blue, learning to forgive both others and yourself is not easy, but worth the effort. I guess I believe that religion teaches forgiveness more than punishment. A lot of the conflicts you run into arent\' your fault. I know I come from a big family and there are a lot of appallingly petty fights among my relatives and when I moved to another state, I realized their craziness is not my fault. I love all of them, but I will not be drawn into their incessant warring over topics as ridiculous as who did what to whom in the last canasta game. Don\'t worry about what they expect of you. Some of the psychologists say that you have to put you first and I agree. I would urge you be optimistic. Yes, you may be ill and it may get worse. But there are things that you can do to stop it from getting worse and there are other aspects of your life that can get better-go back to school and study what you didn\'t do after high school? you see 80 year olds on tv who do it, maybe you should too. Try and focus on a positive goal not to the exclusion of your health, but to make you healthier. Blue, I hope this helps. I\'m always around to listen.