Feeling very alone and desperate
Feeling very alone and desperate tonight. I just don't see any way out. The loneliness is the worst. Of all of it I think. The lack of connection. That heart to heart connection. The kind you have when you see someone and you light up inside and you feel that you aren't alone around them and that they are on your side and have your back. I don't have that anymore. I feel like a piece of crumpled paper blowing down the street. Like I'm nothing, invisible. I'm surprised the blood has the energy and will to flow through my veins. Therapy wasn't good today. She doesn't understand this, she doesn't understand growing up with abuse, she doesn't understand what I need. She's more like a life coach and gives out practical advice. that's not what I need. I am starting to wonder if maybe there is just no way for me ever to feel alive again, that I've died and just walk the earth as a ghost. Maybe I am dead and don't know it. My God, I'm going insane. Why me? Why can't I find love. I am doing what I can. It's not working. Nothing is working.
Replies
I'm so sorry for the loneliness and pain you feel... I undersand completely believe me, you're not alone...
Sending gentle hugs and support
Oh Wendy....so sorry you are hurting. I have known the pain of isolation and loneliness myself and it's horrible. You have us, alright? You are in my prayers. Much love and hugs, silver.
Thank you both so much for writing and understanding and for your kind words. It really means a lot to me. Just isn't fair how some of us go through this intense, long-term kind of loneliness and pain and others are spared. I know it's wrong but I get kind of jealous or upset when I see couples or families together. It seems like this problem stems from coming from a really abusive broken family and not everyone has that. My therapist didn't come from that kind of family and she seems to have no clue what that is like or the consequences of it. I hope you have a good day. I guess I better start mine now. It's morning and I've got some chores to do.
Much love and hugs to my two good friends, Wendy
Im sorry to hear you are feeling this way. You can be in a relationship and still feel so lonely. I always thought the answer is finding how to make yourself feel happy . Maybe do something special for yourself. You are worth it! I hope you feel better and find DS helpful.
I'm sorry you feel this way. I think you are a wonderful person. I hope u will find someone that makes you happy. There is always hope. I'm sorry your therapist doesn't understand you. It's very unfortunate when therapists r like that. It's not your fault; it's just the way she is. I hope you will find comfort with all of us, we really like you & think u r very nice. Hugs & love
Thank you all so much for your kindness and for understanding. It means so much to me.
Love,
Wendy