Feeling the weight

This time of the year is when I really feel how big I really am.  I avoid pictures all throughout the year, but I can't avoid them at Christmas.  I have to face that I am the fattest one in the family.  I really hate the way I look.  I hate what I have become.  I hate that I have let myself down like this.  I just want to cry right now.  I know that I have done so many things right in my life, but this area, I haven't.  I stress eat and I don't exercise regularly and pictures scream my failure.  Nobody gives me compliments and the best compliment my husband can muster on occasion is an unenthusiastic polite, "you look nice".  The sad thing is, it took an hour and a half to pull off "nice".  I want to look good again.  Why can't I do this?  I feel like such a failure right now.