Feeling Suffocated

Lately I've been feeling so sad my chest hurts and I can't do anything. It feels like I can't even taking a fucking breath. The other day, I went outside and walked down the street and just sat down in the middle of the road and closed my eyes. That's the only thing that works anymore. And that's real inconvenient because it's not like every time I'm feeling suffocated I can just take a wak down the street.

But that's what I want to do. I was in gym class once and we were up on the field and I just stared out at the fence separating us from the real world and I just wanted to jump over it and never look back. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I just want to disappear. I just want to run and run and never come back and it's like, I imagine this, I daydream about this and I'm just watching my back get smaller and smaller as I run farther away until I'm gone. And I used to want to stop myself, I used to try to but now I just... I just want to do it. 

I know I don't have much to be sad about. I get that I live a privileged life. But I just feel like I can't even breathe.

This is my first time doing this and I don't know why I'm pouring all my feelings out now. But it's a lot easier. It always feels like nobody wants to listen. And even if they do I always had this feeling that if I told anyone anything they'd hate me. I'm not sure why. I think everyone has their own problems and most people don't want to shoulder someone else's burdens too. I don't want to burden people anymroe than I already do. 

I know how it feels to carry other people's burdens on your shoulders and I don't want people to resent me if I do that to them.  

Anyways, thanks for listening.