Feeling Suffocated With My Parents and Their Friends
While I appreciate Mom's inviting me over for dinner and conversation at a "wine party" those retirees have in the clubhouse of their condo, I think they want a robot who just sits there and keeps his mouth shut. Whenever I embark on some conversation topic, it always seems I end up "offending" someone or hurting someone's feelings, which is certainly not my intent, but I'm not going to sit there like a robot and say nothing while those people rant and rave.
In the latest drama/debacle, to liven up the conversation there, I began talking about a book, that Mom loaned me to read, called The Millionaire Mindset. It talked about the hypothalmus, the central core, the innermost part of the brain, the pleasure center, where all good things, good ideas and good results come from. I likened the hypothalmus to the central core of a tree, the tender tree bark. As the tree ages, layer upon layer of experience form over the hypothalmus, some good, some bad, but the innermost layer gets buried over time, and that it's important to make time to relax and get in touch with that innermost core. Apparently, this rubbed my dad the wrong way and put him in a rotten mood. Maybe, while listening to me, he dug down deep into his own hypothalmus and found nothing there. He had nothing positive to offer the conversation and thus dismissed the ideas of the book as bullshit. Sorry, dad, but not my fault.
Next time my mom invites me to something like that, I'm gonna say "am I allowed to breathe?". Truly, I feel like, if I breathe wrong, my mom or dad will pick on it and grind it into the ground.
(sigh) The myopia, the tunnel vision, of getting older. Parents are in their upper 60s, and their friends are much, much older than that. Too deep in their comfort zone, their mental cave, before death. Trying not to become like that myself, but it seems there's very little coming out of people's mouths that I find very stimulating either. So I read, and come here, where, hopefully, there's a reprieve.
In the latest drama/debacle, to liven up the conversation there, I began talking about a book, that Mom loaned me to read, called The Millionaire Mindset. It talked about the hypothalmus, the central core, the innermost part of the brain, the pleasure center, where all good things, good ideas and good results come from. I likened the hypothalmus to the central core of a tree, the tender tree bark. As the tree ages, layer upon layer of experience form over the hypothalmus, some good, some bad, but the innermost layer gets buried over time, and that it's important to make time to relax and get in touch with that innermost core. Apparently, this rubbed my dad the wrong way and put him in a rotten mood. Maybe, while listening to me, he dug down deep into his own hypothalmus and found nothing there. He had nothing positive to offer the conversation and thus dismissed the ideas of the book as bullshit. Sorry, dad, but not my fault.
Next time my mom invites me to something like that, I'm gonna say "am I allowed to breathe?". Truly, I feel like, if I breathe wrong, my mom or dad will pick on it and grind it into the ground.
(sigh) The myopia, the tunnel vision, of getting older. Parents are in their upper 60s, and their friends are much, much older than that. Too deep in their comfort zone, their mental cave, before death. Trying not to become like that myself, but it seems there's very little coming out of people's mouths that I find very stimulating either. So I read, and come here, where, hopefully, there's a reprieve.
Replies
Allow me to chime in on this subject. What you are describing is something that I\'ve noticed for years. I grew up in a different culture, where children, at that time, were encouraged to develop an intellect, to open their mind to different things and educate themselves. what they did after highschool, was their choice - they could choose to stop and live as ignorant dumb-assess or continue their road and expand their horizons.
We were taught to think, to explore, to rebel even...
This country is very young comparing to the rest of the world, most people that moved here 300 years ago are not intellectuals, but farmers and workers (not that there is anything wrong with being a farmer or a worker, but working 12 hours at a factory leaves little time for book reading).
I guess what I mean is that there is an established pattern of poor education and equally well established pattern of mental conformity, first induced by religion and now induced by fear of a law suit.
For generations people are raised this way - lack of exposure to passionate, intelligent, educated people. To get to these people one has to actually seek them.
My ex husband\'s parents are exactly like these people you are talking about . They know how to work, how to put food on the table and shop. they have no books in their house.
i am sorry you had a crappy day! you are not alone! I see it too :)
Thanks, Aronia. Wasn\'t entirely crappy, I had fun, even if some of those people didn\'t. My mother actually reads a lot of philosophy. My dad\'s more the concrete engineer type. Put those two people together and they inevitably clash. Both are relentlessly pursuing some impossible ideal of perfection, and, as we know, life isn\'t perfect. No, but it should be FUN. ACTIVE. Physically and mentally. I agree with you! I certainly don\'t fit the mold of \"you go to college, you get a job, you get married, you have kids, you put \'em through school, you retire, you die.\" I\'m living a bit more non-linear life than that. Generally I get on pretty well with everyone there at the condo, but, every now and then, I strike some nerve that doesn\'t jive with their carefully preconceived norms.